|Reviews for I'm Not Bluffing|
| Admiral Bangle chapter 1 . 4/28/2013
Wow, that's one way to get rid of you're evil girlfriend beating boyfriend...
On a serious note, I don't normally read little short stories like this one so its hard to analyse, though I think you could do so much more with this. It would be interesting to see how the divorce came about and why he promised to kill her. I'd also like to maybe see something about how Claire managed to stay away from him for two years and how he found her. I think this really could be improved by simple expansion, but it was pretty good all in all. Thanks for a good little read!
| I Kind of Deleted My Account chapter 1 . 11/20/2011
Hmm... I don't really know what to say...
Could be a bit longer. Was cool, but I just feel like there should be a little more. You could do a ton with this little story.
There were some grammar errors. Maybe two or so times you used a semi-colon where you should have used a comma. Also, you might need to work on your punctuation for dialogue, some of it was kind of wrong...
Sorry if I'm not really being that praising, but I'm sort of a grammar and punctuation freak. Oh yeah, Hell shouldn't be capitalized.
| Compton chapter 1 . 3/9/2011
Ending: I know I'm backward starting with the ending and all, but it was great! It made me said this was a one-shot because if it was multi-chap, it could show the background they went through that led to the moment. IT WAS GREAT!
Enjoyment: It really had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I kind of knew Jack was going to die and all, but still, wanted to see how.
Characters: It's like I know all about them in such few words! Claire is angry and hurting and scared, and Jack, his name defines who he is.
Pace: The pace is perfect, not to fast, not to slow. It is great for this story because you have to know everything in such few words.
All the way, great story, I really enjoyed it! :)
| wisedec4u chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
This for RG - Depth
Opening: I loved how you took brought me right into the tension of the scene. I could feel Claire's fear as Jack came towards her. I made me what to read on to find out what she do next.
Characters: The scene was very intense. However, the scene was short and mostly dialogue, so there wasn't really a chance for me to really connect with the characters on a emotional level. It was like peaking through a window at two strangers and seeing the action unfold. I would also like a little more descriptions, possibly though Claire's POV. Instance, the smell of alcohol on his breath, his unruly clothes, the arrogance in his eyes, etc.
Spelling/Grammar: I'm not great when it come to grammar, but I did notice one mistake at the end. Slowly she pressed her lips to his, knowing this would [be] their last.
Plot: I thought the plot was good, having Claire finally put end to her abusive tormentor of the past 14 years. The knife was twist, but I thought it was bit abrupt. I felt like there was something more you could have added to this to add more tension to the scene.
Writing: Overall, I enjoyed your writing style. I would love to see something longer from you in the future.
Best of luck!
| I-am-happy chapter 1 . 3/7/2011
Wowm very grabbing indeed. I will have to see where this goes! It has got me hooked on just the prologue!
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 7/22/2009
Whoa. Where did this come from? This was intense. A good read though.
| SimmingLemming chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Hey! I'm SimmingLemming, from the 'New writer, new story' forum. I read your story, and it's very good! Very tense and exciting. I like the way you make every one think she's gonna shoot, stop, then make her stab him! That builds it up well.
Try not to use a sentence/phrase more than once - i.e. 'cocking the gun'
I'm not particularly keen on the '"Cut!"' ending. It kind of ruins the suspence/sadness of the story. 'Tho it could just be me. :) Great story anyway, keep writing!