|Reviews for And i can't help but be disappointed|
| Sanareth chapter 1 . 10/20/2010
Quite good, although It took me a few times to read it correctly;
for a while I thought that the second POV was a pet, possibly a cat. Being possessive in his own little way, but crestfallen that the feelings are not returned.
I guess I'm a little dense in that respect. Still, you've handled the switch with commendable deftness... But, the four separations don't make it particularly clear if it's two or four characters we're following and although I'm no expert, I juggle multiple POV's a LOT. If you want to use them in extended works it helps to have a transition period or sentence laid out like so:
Saskia climbed onto the rooftop and crouched near the smokestack.(-Intro/Confirmation of character-)The warmth of the heath below had soaked into the stones of the chimney and now fled into my freezing hands. "This is insane" I listened to my own voice, trapped in a harsh croak "I-"
Now this is just a little thing I threw together to demonstrate. Imagine if you will that it's zooming in on the character, giving you who they are and where they are before becoming them and seeing everything from their eyes.
I hope that's useful advice.
| I'll Be Watching chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
It's a cute story, no problem with the multiple POV's.
My first reaction when I read about the boyfriend was... Well it's not anything nice P uhm... The fact that it's a true story... I just hope that this guy won't get hurt, but it's hard not to hurt people sometimes. You don't always know that you've hurt someone either.
Well good job ) And I hope nobody gets hurt from this
| Disabled Account sdf chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
I think the multiple POV's worked out great. :-)
| Daiysis chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
I loved it... it was pretty cute too. For this being your first real attempt at different POVs i think you did quite well. You conveyed how both people felt evenly and it was a nice, short read. Thank you :)
| Allie chapter 1 . 7/9/2009
Loved it :) You didn't seem rusty at all...
You could seriously go somewhere with it.
And... don't hurt this guy :( he sounds pretty sad already ...