Reviews for Time of Kings
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 16 . 1/23/2012
Interesting chapter; may I suggest, if you ever do come to edit it, you put the extra files on families and history in a seperate story? It would be quite cool to read them all in one, if that makes sense. [the north so quickly.] I think the 'so' sounds just a little odd there, maybe drop it? [He soon found himself in the winter bound] Used 'He' at the start of a few sentences before this; maybe change this one to (Finding himself in the winter bound...) perhaps? [which rose just above] 'Which' can be a bit of an awkward word, maybe just (rising just above) might flow better. ["Could you be…?" He mused] Because it's a speech tag, the 'he' should have a lowercase h. [ What brings you here my lord?"] Should have a comma before 'my lord'. Just really little things like that throughout that you may want to watch out for if you come to edit this.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 15 . 1/7/2012
Interesting chapter, and i think it works well despite the lack of action. You can tell a lot about a character by how they treat those around them, especially when you're dealing with noble characters like you are here, and therefore it's a good choice to show Mercury interacting with those around him, as well as Darrya. I like how, in their ambitions, they're very similar. It works well.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 14 . 12/20/2011
Interesting chapter, and I liked the way you showed the people wanting to celebrate what Xavier had done for them. Your dialogue flows really smoothly between the characters, and you have a nice balence between description, action and dialogue. There were a few grammar erorrs I spotted, but I'm not going to go through them as this is a few years old, by now :P You've created a nicely gripping story, with really interesting characters, and I'll be back to read the next chapter soon as I can!
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 13 . 9/14/2011
Interesting chapter; it was dark, but considering the sort of stuff you're dealing with here, I didn't think it was too dark. Poor Quista - I think you could have had a bit more of an emotional reaction from her, after what happened. Perhaps expand on how she's feeling - numb? shocked? upset? I think the backstory for Mercury, and the reason he took the throne, was showed well. However, I did think [It is the least we deserve – the throne – when my] sounded too awkward, maybe; "The throne is the least we deserve." Anyway, yeah, still enjoying this. Will be reading more sson.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 12 . 8/22/2011
You know how much I like the story, however, I have to admit...I'm starting to see too many similarities between this and A Game of Thrones. If you come to edit this, you may want to try to make it a bit different. This chapter especially, with the tower dungeon. This bit - [Why!" Rhys cried louder. "Why, why, why!"

This time, it was Ethan's turn to lash out.] I didn't think made sense; I just don't get why Ethan punches him. Perhaps mention the noise getting on his nerves, of that Rhys is yelling specifically at him? Other than that, it was a grpping chapter and it was interesting to see the family background of these characters.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 11 . 8/5/2011
Overall, I think Book I did a really good job of introducing the main characters and plot threads, so good job with that. If you were going to edit this, I think all you'd need to do is polish the grammar, really. The plot is gripping and right now, I'm eager to see what Quista's reaction is going to be when she finds out she's going to marry the new King. I know it's written already, but I hope to see more of her. She's a sweet character, and is a nice contrast to Darrya. Great job with Book I, and I'll be starting Book II soon.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 10 . 8/5/2011
Overall, I think Book I did a really good job of introducing the main characters and plot threads, so good job with that. If you were going to edit this, I think all you'd need to do is polish the grammar, really. The plot is gripping and right now, I'm eager to see what Quista's reaction is going to be when she finds out she's going to marry the new King. I know it's written already, but I hope to see more of her. She's a sweet character, and is a nice contrast to Darrya. Great job with Book I, and I'll be starting Book II soon.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 9 . 7/26/2011
Wow he's evil. Anyway, great chapter as usual; I really like the way the plot is going, and you keep the pace up very nicely. I didn't really notice the use of older words, but I'd see that as a good thing; it means they fit in nicely with the story itself. Good job with that. I like the character interactions and reactions; they fit with what we know of them already, and they help to show more of the characters, too. I like how I kind of feel I can predict what Jayden is going to do, and I'm eager to read on and find out if I'm right. As always, really enjoying this.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 8 . 6/9/2011
Great chapter, very action packed and I think you wrote the action really well. It was clear and, yeah, exciting, so great job there. The tension really built up throughout that and, as always, your characterisation is really good; Darrya is interesting, and I can't wait to see what else happens to her. Her sexuality, I think, isn't a problem; it's part of who she is and the control aspect really adds to that. Although can I suggest, if you do come to edit this, you maybe emphasise the control part a little bit more? Just subtly but yeah.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 7 . 5/21/2011
Hm, a very interesting chapter. I like the way it switches between Jayden and Quista, and it flows smoothly throughout. As always, I think the interactions between the characters work really well, and you do a great job of explaining things without there being an info dump. Quista's character, I feel, is getting more solid here; we're finding out more about her, and getting to know her more as a character. Poor girl though; I hope she doesn't end up marrying Mercury. I wonder what he's playing at, asking for her hand? Anyway, I'l be reading more soon.
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 6 . 5/5/2011
Interesting chapter; I liked how sort of easy going it was at the start, really contrasted with the action near the end. I do think that, at some points, the tension is kind of broken by you giving too much away; the scene where Mercury tells them he has a gift, for example, would have more of an impact if you took out the line "Of course you will, he thought. If enjoyment can be found from Iron Tower imprisonment…" it would also help increase the tension for later, as, as a reader, you'll be wondering what is going to happen. Anyway, still really enjoying this!
Rosemarysgraden001 chapter 1 . 4/22/2011
Luke, If I wasnt a stars wars virgin, I would have made a dorky reference by now lol.

So I have this new theory, If I read stories of people that I know. Then I am more likely to enjoy the story or get something out of it. Your writing is really really detailed, I kind of like it. I like that there is a sense of nobility in the story. These people all sound really pretty, I have to say.

I like all the little signs and order bits of the story. It's a very interesting story, I might read more If I ever get bored.

~Rose~
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 5 . 4/21/2011
Again, great chapter. I think, as always, you have a really good balence between dialogue and description that works really well. The ending was quite powerful and almost chilling in the way it was written, so great stuff with that. I also like the way you describe Jayden being woken up by the whispers, and the build of suspense, again, works well. Great stuff.
Mister Brightside chapter 40 . 4/6/2011
Um...so...

I kind of think this is one of the best Fantasy stories on fictionpress and I'd just like to let you know that XD

When I feel like a terrible sucky hopeless writer, I come here and read your stuff e_O

Anyway, just thought I'd leave a review!

~NP
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 4/2/2011
I really like this chapter - great insight into the Ronella family and where they live. Despite the fact that you change POV and place quite a lot, it still flows really smoothly. Strong style, good pacing, and as always your writing really draws the reader in. Poor Quista! She seems fairly young and naive, but hse's very likeable. As for Aaron, he's interesting, and I look forward to reading more with him. Anyway, great stuff!
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