|Reviews for Ye Who Enter Here|
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 12/20/2009
I like the way that you experiment with the dialogue a little, by using the "-" dashes when they're speaking on the phone and then a more traditional style later on when they're speaking in person because it conveys that sense of non-traditional narrative that I'm a huge fan of. At places, especially in the descriptions, I can see your poetry side coming out with the really wonderful ornate word choice and simile use. The only thing I didn't like about this was the huge paragraphs, they felt a little chunky to me and slowed the pace down because of their depth, I would suggest splitting some of those huge paragraphs up into more than one paragraph, and it would be a lot more accessible for readers to not be tempted to start scanning, because your descriptions are so wonderful and detailed that it's really a great focus on the piece. Also, interesting choice of main character, ect.-I would like to see more of this because I'm such a huge fan, and I've never read your prose before, so I'm super intrigued.
from the review marathon (link in my profile)
| Elk chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
This is a very promising idea, and I'd like to know where it goes.
The longest paragraph is quite big and as a consequence seems to drag even though the content is interesting - perhaps divide it down into smaller units?
Occasionally your description veers towards cliche, e.g. labyrinthine.
But, I think this is some promising work and you should keep going with it. Perhaps this story will only be a step on the path, but any work you do on this certainly won't be wasted.
| Andrea D chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
Hmm... it sounds interesting. As far as your writing is concerned, I think it's fine, impressive choice of words,almost always avoided deploying plain language for descriptions.