|Reviews for What Do You Know?|
| Wynter WolfSong chapter 1 . 10/20/2009
i LOVE THIS. i just can't believe the great way you have with words. it's...wow.
my favorite lines:
"come-to-me". it's as if you're staying them slowly, with lots of emphasis, as if each word is it's own sentence.
"no one lives beyond these frozen doors". so poetic, and yet, i'm really not sure what it means.
you deserve a cookie! ;]
| Faal Luen chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Oh the despair is palpable.
I love the descriptive power in this poem.
One of my fav. lines was "Breathe it in, like the mishmash of perfumes down the cosmetic aisle", an amazing line.
I loved the intensity in this poem also. I felt like i was being pulled magnetically from one line to the next. One of my fav. lines in this regard was "Right there, right here. You are Boy Wonder. I’m seeing stars and yet your pants are still on."
Keep it up!
| Tekla chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
It's your WCC review! Whoope!
[[like the mishmash of perfumes down the cosmetic aisle.]] this is an AWESOME simile - whoever thought of putting it like that? I like it a lot, it's very original. :D
[[No one lives beyond these frozen doors.]] BAM! Stick it to the MAN! haha. Very nice for closure, though I nearly missed it the first time because it was formatted to the center instead of the left.
I like how the form of this poem reflects the speaker's feelings for this boy - to me, it's very jagged. There's no way to predict it though she knows where she's going and what she needs to do. (Maybe it was unintentional, but I thought it was cool :P )
Another interesting thing I like is that you use all the tools you can about fonts and styles. It adds a lot of emphasis to certain words or parts of words, which could easily change the meaning of a sentence to exactly what you want the reader to inflect. It also helps draw the eye down the page, urging the reader onward. A valuable tool!
Woot! Good luck in August WCC!
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
Overall the poem has a melting pot of bitterness to it, kind of depressing, and condensing all that the same time, which has to do with the tone of the piece. From my impression of it the protagonist wanted what she could not have. Your mention of a ‘she’ tells me that this person she longs for has someone else, but she’s thinking that she could be to him, what the other person is. It’s a very striking emotional menage a tois
Your word play was modernized and hyper active. A lot of people don’t like the shorter line lengths, saying that it interrupts with the overall understanding of the piece, but I really like it, and that’s how I write, so rock on about that! A really nice example of this is the first two lines: I want you/so bad. The simplicity of those words, don’t mean much, but with the shortened structure I think that it adds more meaning to the emotion.
You descriptions and images were striking. ‘You bury your beautiful statue of a face in my neck’ is a perfect example of this. It shows the reader that the object of affection is perfect, even, immaculate if I dare say, and it gives the reader a stronger still sense of longing, right along with the narrator.
Overall enjoyment - I enjoyed the piece, I really like your style, and how you let the emotions mirror with the reader. The only thing that I didn’t really enjoy with the ‘bolding’ of some of the words, or parts of words. Personally I’m not the biggest fan of that technique, and it kind of distracted me as to what you were saying, although, I also clearly understood that you were trying to give emphasize to that section. Keep up the good work.
| I be a poet lost in morbidity chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
I love the description, I've noticed you're very good at that. i can see a playful smirk on the speakers face, I'm not sure why, but i do. I like the rhythm. It makes it seem almost like breaths being taken, the lines are like inhale, exhale. It flows very well because of this.
| RawrEllieMayMightBeADinosaur chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
I really like the line 'that this is what I want/needED.' (wouldn't let me bold, sorry) the emphasis on the fact that she doesn't need it anymore is great. that's a really nice touch.
The last line didn't make much sense to me. It seemed a little out of place, the way it's in a different format than the rest seemed off.
All together, very nicely done :)
| Isca chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
"Want you, so bad." While I think that 'want you' suggests that the speaker is incapable of forming complete thoughts while in the presence of her lover, I think it would be better if the line was: "I want you, so bad."
"Come-to-me." Oh my. I like the play-on-words here. The 'beckoning' and the 'climax' partnership is fascinating.
"Don't smile, I hate it." Ahahaha! That's awesome! The tone of this line is so perfect. The speaker hates me affected by this boy's smile.
I also liked the 'pants are still on' part-that whole 'boy wonder' section was pretty cool and creative. Keep up the great work. :)
| lipleaf chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
I think that in the first lines, it would feel more natural if it was "I want you," instead of "Want you". It just feels kind of incomplete to me, like there's something missing here. It's kind of barbaric, which does not suit the rest of this poem.
Also, you might want to consider making it "I want you so bad," as one line. That just makes it flow better. The current format feels a bit jarring.
I like the phrase "statue of a face," used in combination with "chrome, iced out heart." It gives the reader the impression that the two in this poem are, in reality, cold, indifferent people that are using each other to meet their own end. It's quite a twist from the usual lovers' story.
Some lines felt a bit out of place, but other than that, nice job.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 7/17/2009
'I’m seeing stars and yet your pants are still on.'
I both liked and didn't like this line because it is unique yet it seemed to stick out a bit too much for this poem.
The rest of it is interesting, but it isn't my favorite poem of yours.
I liked the line 'I could[should]rip off your clothes right now.' however because it seems like the girl is desprate, trying hard, and scared all at the same time. She doesn't seem sleezy which is good, yet she wants it all for sure.
| Jenny Owen Youngs chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
Well, it's very creative and nice poem on its own
I mean, I really like the "beautiful statue" of his/her face
but it's obvious you're using brackets, italics and bold as crutches to try and bolster the overall esthetic of the poem
I mean, it's a cool idea, but it's used so sporadically and with little purpose it actually hurts the poem.
let your work stand on your own without hurting it by a thoughtless stylistic gimmicks
| Sam Hammer chapter 1 . 7/15/2009
this reads to me like a screamo song :p
in the beginning (God created the heavens and the earth blah blah...) the "Want you" with lack of an "I" preluding makes the narrator seem almost primal in her want- like she lusts after the person so much that she reverts to a pre-historic state.
the narrator's "ice heart" and the boy being compared to a "statue" serves to enhance the emotional distance between the two- they are merely using each other for their own needs.
I really like this _