Reviews for Portrait of a Dream
Kobra Kid chapter 5 . 6/24/2010
I think that this is my favorite poem that you wrote. :). I can't really critique ANYTHING 'cuz there's nothing wrong with it whatsoever. The flow of the poem was great, but you did repeat 'glorious' twice. (second stanza and last) so maybe change that up a little bit. :). Besides that small thing, great job!

B. Cross

-4/5
Kobra Kid chapter 4 . 6/24/2010
Wow. This was amazing. :). I'm OBSESSED with music, and right now I'm listening to Ghost of You by My Chemical Romance and this just made the song sound even better. xD. I don't know, I just got up from a nap so I might be a little...you know, not awake yet. :D. But, anyways, you have great vocabulary and I really do enjoy all of your poems!

B. Cross

-3/5
Kobra Kid chapter 3 . 6/24/2010
I really, REALLY enjoy all of your poems. They're so vivid and awesome and just fabulous! :). I could imagine every, single detail and you just have a way with words. :). Great job!

B. Cross

-2/5
waitingforwhatever chapter 5 . 6/23/2010
This one kind of creeped me out, in a kind of weird, mysterious way. I wonder what exactly it's about. It's a great ending to a great series of poems.
waitingforwhatever chapter 4 . 6/23/2010
Music is the love of my life-besides writing, of course. This poem could be about music in general (the GOOD kind, of course) or a particular song.

"Flows like the movement of a snake.

And is as graceful, too."-this is like the whole comma thing; you don't have to put periods at the end of certain lines. This especially would be better if it didn't end with punctuation at all.

"It's beauty,"-should be "its."

The entire last verse-I think someone hit your brain with the beautiful descriptions stick. (Does that make sense? Oh, well, I thought it was witty.) I've felt the same kind of desperation you described over certain songs, so I definitely love this verse the best. XD
waitingforwhatever chapter 3 . 6/23/2010
Ah, daydreams. It's one of my favorite pastimes. You described them perfectly, from the first line to the last. Like I said on your last poem, a comma at the end of every line is not necessary. Also I think the line "But yet, happy:" would be better if it ended in a dash instead of a colon. And "Happy that I felt a portion of it's joy."-awesome ending, and I like how you characterize the daydream, but it's should be its seeing as it's possessive.
waitingforwhatever chapter 2 . 6/23/2010
This is awesome, like your other poem. Again, you used powerful descriptions-all of which made the whole poem have a creepy, horrific feel to it.

You don't have to have a comma at the end of each line-most poems work just fine without them.

"Mesmerizing, Paralyzing, as it watches me"-I love this line, but you only need to capitalize the first word.

Great job!
waitingforwhatever chapter 1 . 6/23/2010
This is beautiful.

"Sometimes, as I lie in bed, while thinking."-you should put a comma at the end instead of a period.

I think the first line should be connected to the second and third as a whole stanza. And also:

"Sometimes, as I lie in bed, while thinking.

I see them swarming around me, like wraiths, mysterious as the stars.

Small miracles.

Their colours flash like the Northern Lights."-this would look better connected.

I love your descriptions-like the "colours flash like the Northern Lights" and "They glitter like sparks from a fire." Those are my two favorites. The last line is thought-provoking. It shows a new idea about what a dream is. I never would have though of dreams as guardians.
Kobra Kid chapter 2 . 6/22/2010
I have nightmares every single night & this poem portrayed my feelings and emotions of them perfectly! You did a great job with this one, so keep it up!

B. Cross

-Payback via Reborn? Thanks. :)
Kobra Kid chapter 1 . 6/22/2010
Wow, this was really good. I like the title of it, first of the poem first of all, and it really captured my imagination! :D.

B. Cross

-Payback via RFTA?
ADSpencer chapter 5 . 10/30/2009
REM cycle? Heehee. Sorry. Anyhow, this was a lovely poem. And I think it flows really well with this little collection. Very perseptive and not visual-which is perfect for "Nothing". Very good interpretation. And it, oddly, fits well with my current background music: Annie Lennox's "Love Song for a Vampire". Haha.
ADSpencer chapter 4 . 10/30/2009
I'm so glad you included music in this collection, because I listen to music every night while I'm falling asleep. This was wonderful. I love how elegant and dramatic each stanza was. Well done!
ADSpencer chapter 3 . 10/30/2009
I love how bright daytime fantasies are! I like that you make them such a stark contrast to nightmares, with pastel colors and cheerfulness. Excellent work. I'm really enjoying your poetry :D
ADSpencer chapter 2 . 10/30/2009
I love that it's a "monster". Such a beautiful poem! Very well done! The pace is excellent and the voice is perfect. It flows very well from one image or emotion to another.
scripted chapter 4 . 10/11/2009
Yay music!

My gosh this flows so well, and it exerts the energy that it holds

Completely agree with the description - though, I guess, this would be only for one type of music. I can really feel you expressing a slower, softer song - as you use soft words such as 'angels' and 'wings'. If you were to, perhaps, describe something more upbeat and such, you might mention more drums and heartbeats ]

Saying that as a complete compliment, and a suggestion to maybe think of other types of music - that could also make a brilliant poem D

Though the suggestions are taking the focus away from the great job you did on this poem. It flows to well and the words are used perfectly with such a great feel ]]

Fantastic job!

-scripted
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