Reviews for A Scripted Life Part I |
---|
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh wow, so things worked out in the end! I'm really glad, and looking forward to part two! :) Please pay it forward to Soul Catcher! ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() Urk...Billie sure has acceptance problems...I hope the band don't get fired as a result of this... ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() It's...interesting... Hehe, I joke, I joke :P Love it! So happy that Paul got his dream...even if the last line was pure cheese. So cute... Can't wait for part two, so far it's looking brilliant! x Oh, and ps. now the whole world knows what a bad beta I am xPP Didn't someone tell you to get a beta...? Whoopsie . |
![]() ![]() ![]() Oh lovely, I hope so see more. You had two minor mistakes, a missing quotation mark but that's all :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() "Billie - we fly, in a metal can - in the air! - to most of our gigs and you think this is unnatural?"-quote- Lol, this is true XD That was a nice chapter, short but sweet. Homophobes never really have good reasons to me, but hey...anyways another great round. Blazn, Via The Roadhouse, Pay it Forward |
![]() ![]() ![]() WAH! That's it? Oh wait, there's going to be a part II. (Whew! I feel better now). Over all, I thought the story was cute. It still needs some work but that doesn't take away from the initial charm. Make sure you notify us at the Roadhouse when you post the second part up. Good luck! |
![]() ![]() ![]() At the beginning I wasn't quite sure if they were still outside the pub or back on the bus. Slow things down a bit and describe, describe, DESCRIBE! Descriptions make the world go round. |
![]() ![]() ![]() When you list songs, put them in quotes to separate them from dialogue/description. Don't want them to get lost in there. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I liked the ending, how he missed the board after Paul's line. The only thing I have to critique is lack of body language. How are the characters moving? Paul sits down next to Jason. Wouldn't it be better if he sat across from him because what he has to say is so serious? He'll be able to make better eye contact. I think I'm being picky though. Sorry! I'll make it up with another review. :) |
![]() ![]() ![]() Haha, this gets cuter and cuter! I wonder if the manager also has feelings for one of them...update soon! Please pay it forward! ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() So when Jason said he wasn't gay...did he really mean it...? Onto the next chapter! Pay it forward please! ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() Cute ending! But another cliffy! ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() Ah, I hope all goes well for Paul... ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() Aw, this is so cute! And damn straight, Paul should follow Kirk's advice! Please pay it forward to Soul Catcher! ~ Sakina x |
![]() ![]() ![]() Haha, great ending to a chapter of what looks to be a promising story! The writing style was simple, straight forward and it really works! Your review has been repaid! :) ~ Sakina x |