Reviews for Sunset Game
Guest chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
Hey,

This was a really smart poem! It was really well described, I loved it :D:D:D

ranDUMM
Zombiesaurus Rex chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
Hey, I'm dropping you a review for the Review Game.

I liked your opening line quite a bit. It sets the scene and at the same time grabs the reader's attention. I was immediately wondering what exactly a warm beach could have to do with a victim. It's almost dissonant, since the image that first comes to mind about a beach is peaceful and pastoral rather than the grim images that the word victim conjures up.

On the other hand, I didn't so much like how metaphorical and abstract the piece was. Much of the actual meaning escaped me even after I re-read it, which makes the story rather frustrating in the face of all the interest you built up with the beginning. If you hadn't mentioned in your Author's Note that it was a sunset, I probably would have no idea what the actual story was about.

I think this one has the potential to be an interesting piece, but the narrative needs a bit of clarity.

Zombiesaurus Rex
Leighton Carrington chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
Maybe I'm not that deep...but I really didn't get it. For the longest time I thought you were describing a vampire or something. You use great detail. It's really a clever little piece of work. If you edited it to perfection this could be a literary piece that college professors get their students to do reports on. Good job. I liked everything about it...I just hate that I got the image wrong.

How can someone be victim to a sunset? ugh, I'm cooky I guess...
MoodyDreamer chapter 1 . 7/26/2009
Wow-zers, this is plain awsome! Did the human victim die?*gasp* How sad...but if did happen you made it sound awsome. XD. W I am so cruel thinking the way you made ending sounded completely awsome. :D
MockingJuliet chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
This really amazed me. The idea behind this is something I haven't seen done on FP before. Not only highly original, but you took the idea and you wrote it beautifully. I absolutely love it. Keep writing!

The blood spilt is washed clean by the Rain, the Wind blows away any footprints. They way way you capatilized the names, was genius, really. And that was the most amazing sentence ever. I was really taken back by it. GREAY job with this.