|Reviews for Bleeding Eden|
| charliej chapter 2 . 10/12/2009
Now this story was very well written - my favourite of yours thus far. Again great description - still watch for too many sentences starting with the same word - but that's the only fault thus far. Lots of feeling conveyed - you can really connect with both characters. Great start and you definitely should continue it.
| LelaBloodHeart chapter 2 . 8/17/2009
aww kaleb works as the good guy. plus i like Ainslee's name :)
but how was s he moving around that well if she was so badly injured? was it like, the adrenaline rush from trying to commit suicide? or was she delirious? i realy like this story haha its better than revoiving doors.
| LelaBloodHeart chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
i felt bad for him, being so thirsty :O
i love the descriptiveness. it was just right, without being overly complicated. it held my interest.
in the second to last paragraph, is it supposed to be " He was a monster but not MY choice." or should that be " by " i wasnt sure haha
i cant wait to read the second chapter :D
| Elizabeth Howes-Stevenson chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
It was so great to read some of your writing! Very vivid imagery...you're writing is poetic and descriptive. You put the reader right into the story. Little details like focusing on the wedding bands and the name on the little girl's door really stand out.
I'm interested in Kaleb as well as Ainslee and want to learn more about them. A few things I wasn't sure of: Why does Kaleb go into the house? Also, Ainslee realizes she was attacked, does she realize that vampires killed her family? Are vampires typical in her world or would she be freaked out/unbelieving of them? Also, the beginning was great at building suspense and setting up the story but I felt like it dragged just a little bit. I want to get to Ainslee sooner becuase she's so intriguing and I love the interactions between her and Kaleb.
I can't wait to read more!
| LittleRed537 chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
what beautiful vivid imagery. i cant wait for more
| Patrick Lanyon chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
couple of things you missed, just grammar though -
- He was too weak to near the woman - you missed 'be'
- He was a monster, but not my choice - guessing you meant 'by choice'
there was another one in there but i couldnt find it again. all in all, i like your attention to detail, its suitably subtle and well crafted. also a creative use of adjectives and metaphors, creates a very human sensibility and personality.
a few little pieces of information to lead us on, which is always good. it all seems good, i liked it.
| Venz0r chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
I really liked this piece. Your images are vivid and I get a sense of the main character already, though all he did was walk around and bite someone. Very well done, there.
I'm curious to see where this goes. Like what kind of conflicts will come about in result of what just happened.
Your vocabulary was great too, not too simple, but not too complex. Just right.
| lessthan3 chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
"The fragile flowers waved in a soft breeze that swept up the sweet scent of late summer"
- love with alliteration ]
You're a talented writer. I have one question though. The ancient rule that prevented a dead man from entering the home of the living. Is this a rule that can be broken? I was confused because vampires had killed her family, and this woman isn't dead yet, and the man can enter the home.