Reviews for Desire
Rhilian chapter 2 . 9/24/2009
And again a very nice beginning of the story. Definitely enjoyed Chapter 1. I particularly like this sentence: "The balance between the two is delicate, with just a simple intention, one can outweigh the other"

Good work. When am I going to see the next? :P
Rhilian chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
Haha wow that was quite a start. Very alluring. Its got the same sort of attractiveness as those dark vampiric books and movies. i'm intrigued by the mysterious silver eyed man. Could it be the devil in the form of a man (sorry if I just ruined some of the story)?

But yeah definitely like it

keep going

I'm onto chapter 2 now :)
lenavis chapter 2 . 9/6/2009
this was even better than the first chapter; and i especially like the scene where she kills him, the tenderness and brutality intermingling, it was really perfect. Everything balanced out, everything seemed kind of...kind of soft, you know?

also the characters, their fading world, all of it is so marvelously realistic.

jeez, your writing skills put mine to shame. way to shame. T_T

jealousy- - -

and i'll keep checking back to this story, update soon? :
LaceAndCrosses chapter 2 . 8/5/2009
I actually really like this. It makes me feel nostalgic. Stories about being spirited away by fairies, etc were always used to scare us to sleep lol. I'm usually not that into fairytales but I like them when they're dark like this.
J. D. Bennett chapter 2 . 8/3/2009
Hm interesting. I'm still a little confused, but maybe that's because my intelligence level isn't up to par because it's summer.

Still, you write beautifully. Keep up the great work!
J. D. Bennett chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
Wow. I don't really know what to say about this. I like it, it's written well with an intriguing plot, but I'm also a bit confused. Maybe it's because I haven't read anything other than this prologue and it's supposed to be confusing.

Anyway, on to chapter one...
chel bel chapter 2 . 8/2/2009
*The single window was nothing more than a slit in the wall; barely think enough for an arm to pass through.

Should be 'thick enough'.

*His eyes feel on Gormlaith, whose perfection had been eternal.

I think you meant 'His eyes fell'.

Those were the only mistakes I found, but beside those, this was a good first chapter! It was very well-written too. I'm really curious to learn more about these characters and what's going on. I feel bad for Alastoina having to kill Aonghus, but one thing I wanted to mention is that I like her way speaking, it's very poetic. It seems like you have a lot planned for this chapter so I look foward to an update! :)
Disneyjunkie13 chapter 1 . 7/31/2009
Great Chapter. Very Intersating. Looking forward to read more this story.
Decoris Verbum chapter 2 . 7/30/2009
Awesome. An update!

This chapter was interesting; I liked the quote at the beginning, and I especially liked how you portrayed the fae (or something along those lines) people-especially-especially when Alastroina was ghosting through the town. That image, of the people falling asleep and her drifting, a silvery shadow, with the child in her arms-ah, just fantastic. That made the chapter for me.

However, the last paragraph seemed to belong more as the first paragraph of the next chapter. It started out of nowhere and stopped out of nowhere, leaving what would have been a resonating ending with a twist of confusion.

Overall, good work again, even if some of your grammar problems were distracting. Maybe a good beta reader would help clear things up...?
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 1 . 7/22/2009
Wow! That was really original, I enjoyed the imagery and the mystery of it thoroughly! Nice work.
lenavis chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
this was really beautiful :)

i mean, i haven't really noticed a surplus of folklore on fictionpress, but i swear, this story has to be among the best. the tension builds really nicely, and the end, the end is just perfect.

hey, but what happened to the baby? did it...idk how to say this...just dissolve? or had she only been in the early stages of her pregnancy, so that it hadn't ever shown at all?

anyways, really good work :D
Decoris Verbum chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
This was actually really, really good.

Even though it seemed to trigger some small something in the back of my mind, nagging at me to call it somewhat of a cliche, for the most part the writing was smooth and flowing as the murmuring river (loved that aspect), describing things just right and giving me a tantalizing image that you manage to reflect the fairytale setting we all love so dearly. I also loved how her child vanished. Grammatically, I'd combine the first tow sentences.

If this is just a prologue, I can't wait to see what you have in store upcoming. Looking forward to another update. Keep up the good work.
chel bel chapter 1 . 7/19/2009
Wow, that was really interesting. This was a good start, and it looks like you have a strong story in the making. I'm really curious about who that man was, and I wonder what he did to the woman's child. He really was pretty freaky in my opinion. This was well-written, but I did catch some grammar mistakes:

*This music, released her.

No comma is needed between 'music' and 'released'

*“can you hear it?” His words joined as the song picked up again.

The "c" in 'can' should be capitalized

*“I do thank you, sir, but I should be returning now, my husband will worry if I’m not home by dark.”

I think this would flow better if you put a period between 'now' and 'my', and then capitalized the 'm' in my

*From under her lashes she glanced up at him, “but my husband is not one for dancing.”

the "b" in 'but' should be capitalized.

There were some other grammar mistakes I caught, but I didn't list them all here. Just make sure you go back and proofread your work before posting. Other than those mistakes, I thought it was lovely. Keep up the good work. Update soon! :)