Writing- What I liked most about the writing was your reckless abandon for it, I get the vibe that you let this flow from you and just let the writing itself take over. As a fan of Hemingway, I liked the short bluntness of your writing style and the staccato sentences, it connects with the deconstructed feelings of your character!

Character- You conveyed what I understood as a rape in a very horrendous way, by taking something as simple as a kiss and creating through the character the climax of a really terrible, terrible experience. I especially liked the line about "seeing him in the mirror" which really describes how such a terrible act could change someone. But then again, I also wanted the character (man or woman) to rise up and say: you know, I can be strong about this! in a place where it is almost impossible.

Plot- At first I had the impression this would be a flowery love piece, but I really liked how you took that cliche and again, deconstructed from a kiss into something that is sinister and terrible. Even thought he piece is small, I still felt it told a larger story through the experience, I enjoyed the air of mystery associated with it, who are these people, where did they come from, more important, where are they going?

Enjoyment- I actually enjoyed the piece because of its shortness, it invoked bold images that tastefully didn't dally on the details, though I might have wanted a little more within your comfort zone about the act of rape itself. I haven't read anything else like this on fictionpress which of course gives it an edge of uniqueness I enjoyed because of it's subject matter. Instead of saying it's always great that things flower from a kiss, you really took in a completely different direction that I enjoyed reading!

I found this to be a very interesting sotry, so I'm glad that I decided to review this for your WCC win this month.

First, I really like the opening. I really like how it not only sets up our characters in an interesting way, it sets it up through the eyes of our innocent narrator.

I like your character, but she makes me wonder who kind of life she had before the incident. I find it interesting that one of the many themes she repeats is that "purity was lost." She values that as being more important than just a state of being. Her virginity was more important than that.

Sliding into another aspect of your story that I liked, I found it be rather poetic, but at the same time easy to follow. The imagery is very powerrful and I commend you for the metaphors and images you employ. It makes the story all that much better.

And I don't know if that has been mentioned before, but the story is 6 words long. If that's a coincidence, then I'm taing it as a pretty metiphorical coincidence, and using it as evidence for the true nature of the purity-stealer.

Again, congratulation on winning the WCC!

Opening: I thought the opening was good, it pulled me in. I liked, "...should never be allowed to exist..."

Writing: Your writing became extremely repetitive, stressing the, "I'm Depressed" mood a little to much. By the middle I had lost interest.

Ending: The ending was my favorite part. Not that it ended, but the "Won't somebody please give it back?"

Other: I really didn't understand the story. Personally, I think that there's a bit to much angst for one kiss.

~Shortie

I liked the ending more than anything. There was a softness and a hopefulness to the last two lines that balanced out the anger and bitterness form the rest of the piece.

The plot itself was a bit abstract for my tastes. It was unclear exactly what this man did to the narrator. I would assume that the kiss is a metaphor for something but what? At one point I thought there was a rape going on but that was refuted a few lines later. I makes it hard to sympathise with the narrator when I don't know why he/she is sad...

The use of single lined paragraphs was good. A lot of the most powerful emotions were conveyed through those one-liners.

The writing was alright though I felt in some places the imagery was a bit off:

[All the tears that flooded my face, burning my skin in its wake, scratching the surface of my bruised cheeks would not erase the kiss he bestowed upon my life.]

Lots of conflicting images here that kinda leave the passage sounding jumbled. Bt other than that there was nothing writing-wise that hindered the piece.

I think I would have enjoyed it a lot more if it were more tangible and less symbolic. There was nothing to ground it. It felt very pie in the sky and I didn't understand what had happened… Perhaps if it weren't all a retelling and the audience were able to see what happened instead.

Congrats on winning WCC!

Nicki :P

Hey! Congrats on the win ). Sorry it took me so long to review, but I was away on vacay. Anyways!

opening: I actually really like how you slowly melded away from the opening few sentences, making it seem like he wasn't actually trying to hurt her, but he was in love with her. And then it slowly turned into something slightly more mobid. Just slightly P.

plot: I thought you could have made this slightly longer, and kept up her thoughts a little more. I mean, I love how you didn't go into detail about anything, but to have known some more of her thoughts would have been more effective I think.

title: The title of this I thought was really clever! Again it goes hand-in-hand with the 3rd-ish paragraph. Saying that by kissing her he loved her, but then he actually just wanted sex xD. A lying kiss. Uberly clever.

spelling/grammar: You just forgot one period in the 11th-ish paragraph. After the word 'mouth'. But thank you for using spellcheck! Spelling mistakes are the bane of my extistence and you had zero. Yay you!

~ Mandie

this is sad. yet. . . it does explain how some girls in the world feel after they have been molested. I just want every girl to know that there is purity again. There is God. And to him, you are his pure daughter. What was done to you isnt your fault. You are a flawless trinket. God makes no mistakes.

cookies! haha.

anywho, i rather enjoyed it. not like happy yay, because it was quite sad, but you did a good job writing it. for some reason i really liked this line:

"It was not love he was smiling at." it was by itself and placed very powerfully.

great descriptions all around. it was kinda like reading poetry but not. (if that made sense.)

oh and there was a small typo: "His callous grinned was burned into my memory, " it should just be grin. but good job overall.

oh and i saw that you're open to book suggestions. Based on your profile i think that you would love City of Bones by Cassandra Clare or A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray (fantastic book!).

well good look in the WCC!

~fatbird:)

First of all, this has 6 words! Did you do that on purpose? O_O

I really like your writing style. You have such vivid imagery and flowing words it really makes this piece seem more like a poem.

A very dark and morbid subject indeed. You wrote it well though, with a stream of consciousness type style which made it more real and creepy. Especially the last line.

Well done.

Wow. Just . . . Wow.

~DI4MGZ~

Well, I absolutely loved your writing in this piece. It was very poetic and filled with a bunch of believable imagery. I liked how this felt like a tale rather than a story. Not sure if that makes any sense but I don't know a better way of explaining it. One thing though that really irritated me and made me mad was the fact that there were a lot of spelling/grammar mistakes in this. Those little things ruin a piece like this, especially one that's so well written. You need to get on that, asap. Other than that, the form was a bit weird but other than that, nicely done.

Yes, indeed, very morbid! Great job though! :)

Quite disturbing only because I could relate.

But,

I loved it!

Awesome.

Ok, you REALLY have me intrigued by this story! There are so many questions that I have! But you set the beginning up well and I guess I'll have to wait for the next chapter to find out whats going on. Great start!

omg i lov lov lov loved the first chapter i totally want to read more.

Love this. Quite well-written. An appluase is called for here.