|Reviews for Barbie Gets Kidnapped|
| Xx-Angel-of-Shadows-xX chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
Good first chapter, just a few notes:
"And once she saw me, making my way to her..." Comma not needed.
"I cried and screamed and felt intense pain." That line seemed a little clumsy to me, but that's just me.
Other than that, very good, well done!
| Patricia Louise chapter 2 . 10/12/2009
Yuck. Her kidnappers are right bastards, aren't they? You've handled your characters very well here, and I like the quote and description at the beginning!
| Patricia Louise chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
Oh, very interesting beginning. You really handled the suspense well at the end there. I can't wait to find out what happens next!
| RainbowNightmares chapter 2 . 10/11/2009
wow cool,and really interesing!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 2 . 10/6/2009
Herro there. Hope you remember me. :) Anyway, I never read the previous version, so I won't knoe the difference. Okay, basically, there would be a reason behind the kidnapping. So I guess I can only wait and see on what you can do on that. ;) And I think the kidnappers will be part of the vital cast, right? Anyway, this chapter is pretty short, so I'm not too sure what to say on this except that I do find the interactions here rather interesting. It's basically a good starter in letting the readers know the kidnappers better. Apart from that, nothing much to say. If this review is out of depth, then I apologize. I just can't think up on anything to say here given the simple nature of this chapter. :S And yeah, I've seen that you've started going back in reviewing the early chapters of The Eternal Grail namely for the first chapter. So yeah, hope you can pay this review back via the second chapter. :)
-From The Roadhouse. :)
| itsVKEE chapter 2 . 10/5/2009
i really like this story; do continue D
| ranDUMM chapter 1 . 10/5/2009
Great start to a story! There're a few grammar mistakes in it; only one or two in the first chapter, but a few more in the second.
Would they try and find her?. Would they just let her die?. Would she ever see them again?.
You don't need a full stop after the exclamation mark. Also:
''Slap me like a silly bitch?, is that what your going to do? because I'm shaking, I'm shaking,'' all the anger in Jason, built up, then with one swing, Freddie was on the floor.
The capitals aren't in the right places. It would be correct like this:
"Slap me like a silly bitch? Is that what you're going to do? Because I'm shaking, I'm shaking." All the anger in Jason built up, then with one swing, Freddie was on the floor.
Those can be fixed by just going through the story with a sharp eye :) These are just a few constructive criticisms. Plot-wise, you've developed it quite well. Your formality and colloquialism is pitch perfect, nice job with this!
| A. Watts chapter 2 . 10/4/2009
Great chapter, even though I saw nothing wrong with the version that wasn't edited.
| TymCon chapter 3 . 9/22/2009
I quite honestly never heard of a romance involving worlds worst criminal, a kidnap and people ending up six feet under...Well actually:P
| TymCon chapter 2 . 9/22/2009
Well that Liam guy was sick. Good description on the people btw. Kinda funny how she changed from thanking god to noticing the "sexy guy":)
| TymCon chapter 1 . 9/22/2009
Well i always wanted to read this story but i just couldnt gear myself up to. Anyway good start, youre characters are quite good and likeable. Shelby really reminds me of someone from my school. The end was good i wanna read on to find out what happens:P
| ADSpencer chapter 2 . 9/20/2009
Very tense and scary chapter. I won't point out the grammatical errors here since I'm guessing you've got a beta working on improving it. Other than the basic stuff, though, I do have a suggestion. You could probably expand this chapter slightly by using a little smoothly inserted description. For example, the scene where her face is cut would be far more terrifying if you were able to give the reader's a better visual. Also, in tense scenes, shorter back-and-forth lines of dialogue would probably make the scenes seem more realistic.
I really like that she's found herself attracted to one of the kidnappers. After all, you can't really help what you find attractive...At least that's what I tell myself every time I find myself attracted to bad guys, haha. Good work here. It needs a little cleaning, but otherwise, nice job.
| morticiansdaughter13 chapter 3 . 9/20/2009
I love this chapter. It is so good. I have rad over the story, and I hope you update really soon. I love the part were she is acting like a little five year old. Please, please update more. I really do enjoy this.
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
I was expecting something more light-hearted based on the title (very nice, by the way), but I was pleasantly surprised by the chapter ending. It was scary-strangers putting needles in you, ouch! Well done. It painted a good picture. Now I don't know fully what to expect from the rest of the story; this is a good thing because it means I'll probably be reading on to see what happens.
There are still a few grammatical issues but nothing too distracting, so I suppose the beta's work has been done, haha.
| VampireAcademyDB chapter 2 . 9/19/2009
this chappie also!