|Reviews for Barbie Gets Kidnapped|
| Khazkhaz chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
'where I would went to' doesn't really make sense, other than that it's good
| A. Watts chapter 3 . 9/17/2009
This is a great story! I really can't wait to read more.
| jessnutsss chapter 3 . 9/8/2009
I've been a terrible beta and I'm sorry :(( I'v been going through some stuff, but I think I can finally "work" again. Hope you're not mad at me.
| kickstart my heart chapter 3 . 9/3/2009
love this story! please update soon )
| Hemlock-Key chapter 1 . 8/31/2009
First off "seductive lips that was always stained with bright red lipstick"
"I only hung out with the popular crowd mainly because of Shelby."
Use either only or mainly, you don't need both and the sentence sounds awkward with both of them in there.
"Then once they have successfully pulled me down, I saw one of them pull out a big needle."
"Then, once they had" is correct tense.
My biggest problem is the way you gloss over details and events. It reads more like an outline than a story, IE, it needs fleshed out with some more descriptions and actions. There's no build up to the kidnapping, no time to get to like the character. If this was the beginning of a novel, it wouldn't draw me in enough to keep going despite the shock value of the end of the chapter.
I think your title is very catching, and this could be very interesting, but it's not quite there yet.
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 3 . 8/31/2009
Loved this line!
"I knew now was the time to do the mission impossible theme tune and try and get out of there."
I noticed how you said you have a beta so I won't point out the lil typos and stuff. Other than that, this chapter rocked!
| The Lucy Program chapter 1 . 8/30/2009
Ah, yes, the traditional "end the chapter with the MC blacking out" cliffhanger. :] Good use of an overdone cliche (which I myself am guilty of XD). Your characters are funny and realistic. I love how Kathy isn't afraid to be different from her friends. It makes her strong and unique.
However, the part with the classes and the weird guy was worded kind of strangely. You had some run-on sentences and "showing up in places where I would went to" is a confusing sentence.
Good job :]
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 2 . 8/29/2009
I liked the characterisations in this chapter as all of the people were easy to remember with their actions and dialogue. However, there were a lot of grammatical and spelling errors that kept on distracting me from enjoying this chapter properly, e.g.
Is this the way it's supposed to be when your [you're] dead, I can't be dead can I?
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
Woah, exciting first chapter! I really liked the cliffy because it definitely made me wanna read more, but I'm not too sure about the bit where you say three geeks like Karly, after describing her as a Barbie doll because I am sure many more guys would go for that look. The dialogue flowed, making this all the more believable which I liked.
Spotted a few typos:
But actually, when you think about all those months you could [do] whatever you wanted with no teachers to answer to, it’s impossible not to get excited.
She was probably the prettiest girl in school: she had long brown hair, shimmering green eyes, seductive lips that was [were] always stained with bright red lipstick.
| its-like-i-sed chapter 3 . 8/26/2009
hii this is really good ur a brill writer so i would luv 2 carry on writing this and thanx
would it be possible to please email me when you have updated thanx
| rjlowther chapter 3 . 8/25/2009
This is really good! Please update soon
| WhydoIloveyou chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
Very interesting and great writing!
| Lovely Ace chapter 3 . 8/19/2009
ahahaha. I think it'sfunny (minus the whole cutting and being kidnapped thing) but i like the whole mission impossible thing, quite funny. I like your main character she's strong with just the right amount of sanity. I hate it how sometimes people make completely overexagerated reactions to things. Like in your scene where the guy pulls the knife on her she's obviously scared, i hate it when people have their charaters act al togh like their not scared. so cudos to you for knowing actual human reactions. Sorry about my little rant, like you writing style and story much. :P
| VampireAcademyDB chapter 3 . 8/12/2009
awesome story so far! plz plz plz Update Soon!
| painted eyes chapter 1 . 8/10/2009
Oh my goodness! I was not expecting the chapter to end that way!