Reviews for Hong Kong
steffxnie chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
This is a lovely poem. I live in HK so I'm interested.

Great imagery!

Interesting form. The 'fall' bit is clever because it really creates the image of falling.

'Two lovers fade, like reason, from the storm.' Favorite line!

I like your writing. It's special, and I really enjoyed it.

x
MusicBender chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
This reads like a painting...

Ana
Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
Marvelous use of construction and diction here to draw the reader into the situation enough to form a connection with the characters. I like how you've used form in various aspects of this to accentuate the progression. Great write. MD:77.
Isca chapter 1 . 7/23/2009
"A volley of neon sparks." The word 'volley' really makes this imagery pop-the reader can clearly imagine the 'arch' of the sparks flying through the air.

"There are verdant eclipses." Brilliant use of the word 'verdant.' I'm reminded of the photos I saw on the Internet of people watching the eclipse in Asia.

"You like to watch me shake when I'm away from you." Wow. The tone of this line is perfect. I like that being away from one another causes these two lovers to tremble violently-as if separation caused physical pain. I also like the voyeuristic pleasure the other lover takes in 'watching' the speaker in such a fragile state. That's pretty fascinating stuff.

"I find myself looking for an otherwise fading grey." What a beautiful line. There's something so honest and gentle about this line-as if it's spiritual.

Nice diction: diaphanous, grappling, negating, and gabled.

"Two lovers fade, like reason, from the storm." Wow. I don't know if you intended to do this, but regardless, you just blended the Englightenment with the Sturm und Drang movement-that's brilliant! :D
ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
Word Choice: I love the opening line about neon sparks because it paint a really colourful image in my mind.

'verdant eclipses

hypnotizing the dreams '

I like this line because it is very unique in its description and using words that are not seen in everyday language.

'freckling my lips'

I adore this line because it is unique and it just made me smile.

Form: I am not a fan of the abstract form you use. The stanza of two lines, then four, then a stanza with one word per line. It is more confusing and inturupts the flow for me. However I did like the way you put the word falls in itallics like it was actually falling.

Punctuation: I am a fan of the cezura. I like how you put commas in the middle of the line because that makes the flow of the poem go along smoothly. I dont like the semi colon in 'enough; gravity ' that because it seemed a little out of place and would have seemed better as a dash or comma.

Enjoyment: I liked this poem because you use words that aren't in an everyday diction. I also like the colourful tone in the poem because it makes me picture Hong Kong. This poem did not bore me to read it, because it had a spark that kept me going. Good job!

Areku
Said Author chapter 1 . 7/20/2009
This was a pretty nice poem; the end is really good-I really had that in my head. The beginning felt to me like it was describing fireworks for some reason, a couple there, kissing underneath the night sky. But then it's raining, and then the end is a storm. So the places tended to go everywhere, but that's probably just me. I think my favorite part would have to be the "watching fingertips on the glass"...

Nice work.