Reviews for Nine Months |
---|
![]() ![]() I really like this story already and I hope you decide to continue. The concept's really interesting. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Hmm, well the plot is certainly interesting but there were so many little things that really irritated me with this. For one, I think you mentioned Zorah's name way too often, especially towards the end. For example: "Nodding, Zorah began to search for her wallet. Pulling out her wallet, Zorah took out a twenty and handed it to the man, “Keep the change.” You don't need to repeat her name in the same sentence. Mentioning it once already indicates to us that she is the one who is doing the actions from there on until you mention someone else. As for the narration, it seemed a bit dull. I failed to connect with the main character and I don't think you brought out her personality enough. It was always just mentioning what she was doing/saying or what people around her were doing/saying. I think you need to include a lot more feeling into this, especially since it is written in the third person, which is already quite impersonal. But other than that, nicely done. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I really liked the beginning, it really pulled you into the story because you were wondering what the dinnr was for and thne you were wondering what kind of job it was ect.. That was inetersting. After the dinner some of the dialouge got weird and didn't seem to flow, escpecially the part where the cab driver explained that he "fast forwarded" her life. All in all it was quite good, I'll keep reading. -EC |
![]() ![]() This is great! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Interesting, I like it. Keep writing |
![]() ![]() So we'll be seeing more of the cab driver, I hope. I really love this story, please update soon. You update quick already well it has been only one chapter but stil, you update fast! Great chapter. |
![]() ![]() ![]() Wow you update quickly! It is shaping up very well. A few minor errors that I can overlook ;] Maybe you can update soon again? |
![]() ![]() ![]() great chapter, I'm really enjoying this story |
![]() ![]() He's Scottish. Like the story so far. Keep up the good work! |
![]() ![]() ![]() Again W O W. Me loves this, so different, the fairy father bit made me laugh, he sounds funny and aleck sounds sexy, I wondern what happened to daniel and he other boy of that mans.. really good x |
![]() ![]() I just found this story and I think it's an amazing start. It's very unique and unlike anything I've read. Please update soon! |
![]() ![]() ![]() so the cab driver fast fowarded her life and now she is in the future? is she going to stay there for a little while or is she gonna go back to normal? wow, it was intriguing though and different from other stories which i like. continue plz and update again soon |
![]() ![]() ![]() OH MY GOD, i love it, and I love it, your story is a new idea and I love new ideas I'm really into it and its only the first chapter, wonder who the hottie lad she ended up with is,and just image someone really in real life a taxi driver syaing that to you kinda weird wouldn't it, your donig a good start. Update soon. |
![]() ![]() ![]() I like it. Very orignal!I really want to see zorah develps as a charater |
![]() ![]() This is really great. I like it a lot, the introduction isn't as detailed as I would like it to be but all in all I love the introduction. Update soon! |