|Reviews for Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty|
| Elkica chapter 23 . 9/8/2009
I like it. It's cute and sweet. But it would be even cutter and sweeter if you would change their names, throw out a crying part, or hush it and post it as a oneshot.
| sshsilence chapter 23 . 9/7/2009
This was awesome! Well set up and well written. I think I only found one editing mistake and I think it was a he was she somewhere...but I wouldn't worry about Job
| autumn-annette-19 chapter 22 . 9/2/2009
Great story, keep up the good work.
| pille-ip chapter 22 . 8/24/2009
Oh, this is so god!
I really enjoyed the easy to follow and well paced style of writing you have. Also the topics, characters and the whole world you've created is deep, intense, sometimes violent and cruel too, but mostly interesting and catching me into the plot and into the story. Enthralling, I guess is the word I'm seeking... I LOVE IT! Keep up the good work, either as sequel or simply totally different stories.
| Elkica chapter 21 . 8/24/2009
Well, read it and now for the last chapters I would use a descriptor cheesy – but in a good, warm and sweet way. Love the purring over the phone, how it showed how close they are and can be even over the phone; liked how strong Hesslin really is, and not because of the assassin thing, but because he went through what he went through and survive. The wedding and the twins were sweet and the “I do” thing really a wonderful touch. And I have to also applaud to the part where Hesslin tells that that losing of the job – the source thing had influence on him finding out where Africe and Barice where, in that way all the chapters/scene should be connected with the story.
You wrote a lovely story, but. Oh, god it’s a but, but no fear. It’s just that I’m missing the part that tells what happened to Wale – since the Wale’s twisted plan had such a big impact in the whole family, I think it’s important that you include that into the story . And also I wish that you would have dropped the hints of Hesslin’s inner strength in the first chapter, and made the things that are happening through the story more parallel, not as successive as you did. – I like the line from Scene and Structure (that I chop it down) that explains what I mean and with which I whole heartedly agree: Every scene must have effect sooner or later in the story and every scene should bring on another scene. – I’m awful aren’t I? Quieting like that. I hope I didn’t poke in the wasp’s nest with that. You have a really great eye for the small details and not just in your story, you always manage to give me suggestion on how to improve with small details mine too - now you just need to work a little more on the bigger picture - On the roundness of story as a whole. - maybe you already did. Have to check your other story.
All in all, as I already said, a great story that shows that you have vivid imagination and that you know how to use it. :)
I’m glad that you found the bits of wisdom useful. If you want more, there is a link in on my user page that leads to my LJ-post where there is more links. Like I said I like to read the books on writing, I always learn something new and how small bits can influence the flow/feel of the story. Right now I just got The Elements of Style and The book on writing that I’m going to add to my collection of Books on writing I already own and which I’m going to read when I go on my vacation. I think that one can learn a lot and better yourself through other’s experiences and it’s a much more quicker way, too, than to try to figure some stuff on your own.
| Chaos Descending chapter 22 . 8/24/2009
I just want to say that I absolutely adore this story.
I started off reading it expecting it to be of little consequence-just something to distract myself with while I was watching a movie. It was just going to be something to occupy my eyes with at first.
And then I got into it, albeit tentatively, and started reading more intently. Africe dragged me in from the very beginning, brash and strong as he was. I had my doubts about the mysterious, withdrawn Hess, especially seeing as I generally hate weak characters-people only set in to swoon and be saved by the main male lead, as I assumed Hesslin was.
But then I kept reading, and shortly, was completely blown away. The tough Africe was developed perfectly, showing the loyal and loving side of his personality that was originally so elusive. More than that, even, I fell completely in love with Hess, watching his strengths and his past reveal themselves bit by bit as he came to trust Africe.
Just when I thought I had this story pegged (another fluffy love story, something to 'aww' over and forget shortly), you made Hesslin and Africe even more real. They fought and made up like actual people rather than acting like cardboard cut-outs, and they took on yet another level in my mind. And then the end, and the demonstration of all that Hess was, coupled with all Hess came to be, absolutely blew me away.
The ending, though fluffy, was perfect.
...the sex didn't hurt my opinion either. :P
So yeah, I'm not exactly good about reviewing, but I just thought that I enjoyed this story altogether too much to avoid leaving you this note.
And I'm proud to say that as of now it is four in the morning where I am, and I missed almost the entire movie while I was fixated on this story. :)
So thanks, and good job on this story. I plan to read more of your work in the future!
Best of luck!
| Elkica chapter 18 . 8/21/2009
The first part was really sweet, and heart wrenching and hot – you mange to make a wonderful mix of emotions and hotness, and it just flows so well.
I have to admit that I’m a little jealous on English native speakers when you describe things, like for example: the quarter-sized dollop, the best that I can come up is a small amount of shampoo.
And the second part – is that a rivalry that I smell.
| Elkica chapter 17 . 8/19/2009
In this couple of chapters there were some really sweet moments. My favourite is the one where Hesslin purrs, and this ~I figure being well acquainted with the absence of love might make one suited for knowing when it hits him in the face.~ I like this sentence and what is it telling very much.
I have to say that when I'm saying that I like the mentioning of the ears and tails, I doubt that I would like the mentioning of them as much as I do if they would be just there, the main reason why I like them so much is because you use them to show the reader the character’s mood.
You know it seems that when I was telling about the flow of the story, since the last chapter flow so good together - and with the last chapter you left me on my toes-, it would be better if I didn't mention anything. Or did you made the adjustment? Well anyway, you are really improving and so fast too. I'm a little envious.
| Elkica chapter 12 . 8/15/2009
Almost every time that you mention Hesslin’s and Africe’s tails or ears, how the tail is wrapped around the leg or it is wagging around or the ears perks up or lay flat against the head, I wanted to squeal, “How cute.”
Not to mention the Hesslin’s getting rid of unwanted attention, YAY Hesslin, that was really great and the ending of the 11th chapter was so wonderful. And then you have a 12th chapter which is good and everything (I love the way Hesslin is worried about Africe), but nothing really ties it to the 11th chapter.
Your chapters to me seem more like an integrity for themselves that the part of the whole. You set a scene, execute it and at the end the chapter is wrapped up – which is all good, but the better way is, you set the scene in the end of the previous chapter (a problem arises), in the next chapter the problem evolves and the next step you save it - the problem is resolved and than because of this resolve a new problem arises (which of course had to be a worst one – ‘things has to get worst to get better’ works beautifully for the stories) – end of the chapter. This is the reason why people can’t stop reading in the middle of the story or like it’s the case here on FP, can’t wait for the new chapter to be updated. Well, I’m also still working on that, but yeah, that’s the main principle.
So, in my opinion the last two chapters would connect better if you would put the first scene of 12th chapter somewhere in the middle of the 11th chapter. I think that also the main reason why the fic’s flow at the moments seems abrupt and the story gets that it’s-little-confusing feelings. But other than that, I think you are doing a great job. You have a wonderful imagination that is seen in the story and an eye for a little details, like the description on what ears and tails are doing, which add a new layer to your characters and I love the way you knitted the whole thing into their daily life and are consistent about it.
| NEMY-VIVI chapter 11 . 8/4/2009
Aww super cute. I love your story. Hope you update soon
| Elkica chapter 8 . 8/3/2009
I missed quite few updates, you should have poke me. The last chapters were really cute, really cute and you have some lines, like: »I'm going to shave your tail while you sleep.« that made me giggle.
The revel of Hesslin’s story was sad and a little confusing. I mean I do suspect what happened, but just suspect, not really know – so I was surprised when Africe said that he understood between the lines what happened. I think his face off with Thial would have been more intense if you would add the process of Africe’s realisation on what it was really done to Hesslin and share that with reader,;and at the beginning of the scene told that Africe was there because Thial was harassing Hesslin. Or even better that Africe found out that in some of previous scenes and decided that he will have to do something about it. (Or you did, and I missed it?) It’s a good thing for things to lead to other things, for scenes to progress with the natural order of action and reaction – my opinion.
And I’m so happy for them. For Hesslin to start to opening to Africe and for Africe that he found somebody to care for. They are really so adorable together. It makes me want to pinch some cheeks.
| Misanthropic Philanthropist chapter 4 . 7/30/2009
Your chapters are a little short and I am not really sure where you are going with your characters or plot yet, but I really like your writing style. Conversations seem realistic and, from what I know, your spelling and grammar are decent. I also am really liking the setting, for some reason I really like stories that have characters that can smell emotion.
I also like how you aren't making Hesslin out to be a total wimp and giving Africe what seems to be building into a fairly complex back story.
Thank you for writing and sharing your story.
| Elkica chapter 5 . 7/26/2009
Hi, me again. You were so kind in giving me a wonderful, really wonderful reviews and so I’m here, hoping that my opinion and suggestion might help you.
I think you have to find a way to acquaint your main character to the reader to that point that a reader would be interested to continue reading about it. Putting inner thoughts about regular habit or something that would show the characters, helps. You did add a few lines, but in a very swift and short way. Also it would help if you in the first paragraph, first describe what Africe was doing, and then focus on the cat he was watching. It could only be a line or two: Africe sat in the car, his hand on the wheel, his gaze on the individual leaned against the bus stop sign reading a book. The felidae’s long… window. He had never seen someone as perfect. (And even better, if you define the car. If he is using company car, that you write squad car/marked police car – that you in the firs line not just define what Africe was doing, but also give a big hint what Africe’s occupation is. Or if the car is his, the type of the car Africe drives, can tell a lot about him. Is he a family man with a good sense (I know that he isn’t) than he would drive a Volkswagen caravan; if he is a rich player than a imported sports car and if he is not a reach player, which Africe is, than I would give him some corvette which he of course restore himself. A little details like that can help in building up the characters.
And you have very short scenes. Have you though about combining them together and tell the everything that needs to be done in longer, more condense scene? And you have a lot of characters in the first chapter, which can be very confusing. And you didn’t give a name to Africe’s as we later found out brother. Was this intentionally?
If the characters are important to the main character is good to name them, and if they are important for the story and also to still put focus on the main characters, I found out that using a tag beside the name that defines the relationship of the characters to the main characters is a very nifty trick. Kanit, his best friend.
Cat box litter box?
This: ~ My conception and birth in a research facility has absolutely no relevance on my job. ~ Is great. It tells so much and not just about Africe’s origin, but also about the society in which your story is happening. You have to hit the readers with sentences like that speak volumes like this one more often.
And I like how you Hesslin’s tail seems to be seducing Africe on its own. It makes me smile. And this ~ He must be special to collar you. ~ made me giggle. What a awesome expression.
The scene with that Thial and Petrs give me an urge to know more about Hesslin and about what happened to him. And also you might check if you have written the names write, since the tom is calling for Thial and then Hesslin talks like Thial is a cat’s name.
Also I love how Africe is protective over Hesslin and how he is giving him space and support.
You know, as in the story before this one also felt like the first part of it was just a warm up, since the last part ran as smoothly as baby’s butt. I really like it, not the butt, the story. xD