Reviews for The Guardian of Naraiya
CorycianAngel1944 chapter 3 . 1/16/2013
Very nice, I hope you continue this story.
Mariabelle chapter 3 . 10/29/2012
Amazing, just wow...
At first I was really confused due to all the different names like the species and place but later on it all started to make sense. :)
I like how you used all the descriptions, and everything. You also have a good writing style. Keep posting! :D
Neuravinci chapter 3 . 7/31/2011
You have a very creative imagination, I must say :)

Any chance of you updating anytime soon?
Neuravinci chapter 2 . 7/31/2011
Again, wonderful descriptions and brilliant imagination!
Neuravinci chapter 1 . 7/31/2011
Jeez this is such a good start! You have such an intricate way of describing things, such that the image in you rmind that forms as you read does not have any blind spots or missing pieces. Very interesting start!
Jax Creation chapter 1 . 1/11/2011
Heyo Alathea (Gonna assume that you don't want me to use your real name), hope you remember who I am! It's been a while since I've published anything on FP and I thought I'd check out how Naraiya was going and whether or not you are as lazy as I am when it comes to updating/publishing stories. xD

Clearly you have been busy with the rewriting and updating. I've been telling myself to rewrite and update Insignia and Renegade Soul but I still haven't gotten around to doing it and ended up publishing a new story. I am the shame of my own word! I must say the current version is VERY different to the one that I proofread for you however long ago you wrote it! I think I still have a copy somewhere amongst my story notes.

Anyway, on to the actual review rather than the reminiscing. Three words: I like it! This prologue is different but I must say that it's far more intriguing than the original was. The opening line is an excellent hook, "The secret was to find Death", ominous indeed.

However, I believe you could make it better by fleshing out a better image of these "Gaiyan", for example: you describe them as having wings, and you state that the Councillor's wings are etched with gold yet you do not state what kind of wings they are. Are they feathery like a birds or an angels or thick and leathery like that of a bats or a demons? I believe that more description of these Gaiyan would make it easier to see why they hold themselves in such high-esteem and differentiate between them and the common human.

But yeah, that's all I've got in the area of critiques. I'll read the other chapters as well and give you my views. I have a lot of time on my hands and I want to see how they differ from the originals.

Oh yeah and share with me the secret of your success in getting reviews. P

Jax C.
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 3 . 9/10/2010
Very good, update soon.
Aventurine chapter 1 . 7/9/2010
very interesting premise. the only suggestion that I have is in this phrase "All of who I shall control." to change who to whom. Other than that, very well done, I will definitely be reading the rest!
Counting Petals chapter 2 . 6/29/2010
I really like this new setting. I can't wait to read more and see which direction you're going to take this. I think this is your strongest opening yet :)

-Steph
Alathea chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
Um, lijuan, I fail to see how "sunglasses" and "chanel handbags" has anything to do with the story
lijuan chapter 1 . 6/5/2010
hi !

Cheap retail watch, sunglasses, belt, hats/caps, High quality T-shirts,ED hardy t-shirts,ED Hardy hoodies,ED hardy ,Jeans,GUCCI shoes,LV Handbag,Chanel Handbag…high quality,low to:
Counting Petals chapter 8 . 3/11/2010
This is interesting. I wonder where Mr. Howard's place is in the grand scheme of things? I really do hope you have something in store for him - the tagging along thing he was doing in the previous version was a little awkward.

Anyway, good job so far, and I can't wait to read more!

-Steph
xBlaze of ObsidianX chapter 8 . 2/16/2010
Very good, I liked it though it was kind of short, update soon.

Blaze
BeheindLockedDoors chapter 1 . 2/6/2010
This story has been added to When You Were Young’s February list.
Counting Petals chapter 5 . 2/1/2010
"She was loosing air fast." losing

I like that you put this in here because it makes Anika's arrival into this world a bit more realistic. Although I'm not sure she would've been able to take the time to count out all sixteen people...maybe generalize it to say "several" or some other such thing?

-Counting Petals
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