Reviews for The Guardian of Naraiya
twilight678 chapter 3 . 12/19/2009
This chapter was great. Can totally relate to it and all, especially getting into trouble for something you didn't intentionally do.
Vez chapter 3 . 12/19/2009
Hey, yeah, it's me again. I like what you've with it this time around. It really flows nicely. and just on the side, that Mrs Greyer can be such a cow. Wouldn't happen to be anyone we know, could it?
fioweenel chapter 1 . 12/19/2009
this is an amazing start, i doubt i could have pulled it off the way you did! you had me hanging on to every word!
B BLiss chapter 3 . 12/19/2009
Anika reminds me of some one I know...
Sercus Kaynine chapter 4 . 12/18/2009
I like your idea of using the music teaching as an important character. That's an original idea for a fantasy story.

I also liked the pacing in this chapter. Lots of action :)

Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on my profile)
Sercus Kaynine chapter 3 . 12/18/2009
Patient and relaxed music teachers? Let me know where you find them. We could use some over here. XD

I like the forgetting-the-instrument theme... I can totally relate.

I also liked how you used Anika's forgetfulness as a way to forward the plot. Very clever. :)

Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on my profile)
Sercus Kaynine chapter 2 . 12/18/2009
I liked the way you started this chapter because it was a nice hook.

After, that, though, I didn't enjoy it as much... it was a bit slow. Normal 'wake-up' scenes don't do much for me.

Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on my profile)
Sercus Kaynine chapter 1 . 12/18/2009
I love the way you started out this piece: active and interesting. You jump right into the plot.

While overall the writing was good and gave a nice fantasy feel, I feel you slipped from active voice to passive sometimes. It distracted me from the rest of the piece. Here's an example:

"Within a few moments, a grey animal, swift and unflagging, had galloped through the dirt tracks, spraying mud in his haste. His master was born upon his back, although his features were hidden by a cloak, woven roughly so that it would seem he had obtained it through a sudden change of plans."

Why "had galloped" and "was born" instead of "galloped" and "rode"? Just little things like that caught my attention.

Coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! (link on my profile)
Counting Petals chapter 2 . 12/13/2009
I like that you added this, because I feel like it gave us a little more perspective on what Anika's life is like before she gets sucked into a whole other world. I do wish there'd been a little more, though, just so we could get more than just a taste. I felt like we were left a little lacking.

-Counting Petals (formerly .watching)
DeepBlueSea chapter 2 . 12/13/2009

Great start! It is slightly confusing. (Especially the prologue.) but you have great writing skills and so far this is intruiging. (If i spelled that right.) I would get a beta to read it over for confusing-ness and spelling and grammar mistakes. All the same, great job. I look foward to more.

twilight678 chapter 2 . 12/13/2009
I'm surprised you decided to rework this story. It was going well.

Anyway, it's really good so far. Great contrast between the first and second chapter. Anika has a clear personality and her relationship with her family and school friends is realistic and believable.
Counting Petals chapter 8 . 11/15/2009
Sorry it's been so long. School has me swamped. Luckily, I only have about three weeks left until my winter break, so I should be able to comment more regularly soon.

I found this chapter to be rather sudden. I don't remember seeing Anika getting any training on how to use Naraiya (or maybe she did earlier and I just don't remember? If so, disregard that comment). And Mr. Howard just seems to come across as over the top when he gets mad at Olivia - I haven't really seen much reason for him to hate her like he does. Mistrust, yes, but the emotions he's showing seem a little too much for the circumstances. I guess I could see him losing his temper like he did if there was evidence of some special connection between him and Anika, but I haven't really seen anything out of the ordinary there, either.

Again, sorry it's been so long since I've reviewed!

anti-climax chapter 2 . 11/3/2009
Yours was the quickest return review I have ever received on Fictionpress! Haha, all right, Chapter 2...

I thought Doric surrendered the magic mirror to that Rennor fellow... So how come Anika had access to it?

'Vendor’s cries filled the air' Vendors' cries

I don't really have anything else other than to say this was an interesting chapter although the pacing was somewhat abrupt. I did think you could have prolonged the tension slightly when she met the stranger in silver armor rather than conclude it so quickly.
anti-climax chapter 1 . 11/1/2009
This is a good prologue you have here; it leaves a lot of questions that do not exasperate but rather provides a sense of anticipation for chapters to come.

The interactions between the characters are believable and the dialogue doesn't feel stilted. So all-in-all, nice work here
Vez chapter 10 . 10/31/2009
This is awesome so far. You should consider getting it published, it's that good! I can tell that you've defnitely put a lot of effort into the characters and the plot.

Now that Anika lost Naraiya to the Chancellor, I wonder what he will do to them? Well, whatever it is, it won't be good...
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