Reviews for dance of the mannequins
ByYourSide chapter 1 . 5/14/2010
I kind of like the twists and turns in this little poem. Unpredictable, for sure. I think I kind of understand part of it too-at least, my interpretation.

I love your writing style. It just flows. It's awesome. I love the lowercase and the first-person. It just seems so natural, yet somehow has this voice. Adore it.
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Love this line, "and twirl me away to nowhere." I'm not quite sure why it just caught my eye.

I adore the last two stanzas as well. This whole idea is very interesting and unique. Well done.
The Book of Mormon Heroine chapter 1 . 8/6/2009
Aw. I love how descriptive your work is, as a poem even. THat's rather hard to find. I don't like, however, the grammarical mistakes of capitals. It's so much more appealing to the eye if you have capitals where they're supposed to be.

Thank you for writing this!
Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
I really liked your rhymes. They sounded clever and smooth in the context. And of course, they added a good, stronge rhythm to the piece.

The word choice for 'weave' in the second stanza is nice. It went well with 'traces' and it was an accurate desription; it gave me a clear image in my head.

I wasn't expecting the ending. (I was with the boy; I thought she would go with him. :P) But for that reason, for choosing an ending other than what's expected, I liked it. You didn't fall into the super cliche ending. :)

I just really like this. I don't why I like it so much, but the simple emotion and feeling in this made me feel 'connected' to it, if you will. :D Thank you for sharing.

-Peach. Review Squader for the RM!
CandleQueen chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
I like how you used the first stanza to set the scene...the background seems hushed, gloomy, and dead because of your word choice, and lets the reader focus better on the subject of the poem.

"as you take my hand

and twirl me away to nowhere."

I think that line really said it all even before you started talking about how the subject was not interested in the person who was dancing with them. It already states that their potential relationship is going "nowhere".

Nicely done,

As Seen On TV chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
I like this! The last few lines there tell a powerful statement! Nice work!