|Reviews for Typical Her|
| Plej chapter 1 . 8/12/2009
Noting some of my confusion real quick: "he ascertains there was no flirtatiousness" What does that mean exactly. Is it concluding? I'm assuming that's what it means. You don;t have to change anything, I'm just stating my confusion. To the next chaptah!
| PeaceALGL11 chapter 2 . 8/11/2009
i love it! so cute. great word choice, and great description i think. awesome! good job!
| May Elizabeth chapter 2 . 8/11/2009
This is a really nice drabble. It's nice to see you write again. Thanks for all your reviews. )
| xenolith chapter 2 . 8/11/2009
That last line is just magic. Well done you!
| DesIero chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
I like that. It's cute.
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
I think you go into HTML mode, and use everytime you want to insert a space. I'm not 100% sure if that will work on fp, but theoretically, it should.
Onto your piece:
I liked the opening, because it immediately grabs the reader's attention, and also raises so many questions in the reader's mind, such as ~ what type of guy is he and why didn't she fall in love with him?
What I didn't like was the length, because for a piece of fiction, it is definitely too short for any sort of development at all: plot and character. I'd recommend you continuing in your style (which is nice because it has a poetic wistful feel to it) and making this longer!
~ Sakina x
| lymli chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
wow, it's lovely, I like the way he says why he's in love with her.
| Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 7/31/2009
Your opening has a lot of punch! Although I think if you put "She states" first it might sound a little more even. As is you have this powerful line and then it cliff dives with "She states" although that might just be a pet peeve of mine.
You create a lot of dynamic with these two characters in very few words (which is key to fiction, you don't want to hammer on too long, but you want to give the reader *something*).
The only issue of grammer/structure that I noticed was that you have He starting off all of the paragraphs after the first one. It doesn't impact while reading, but looking over the piece as I review it's something that I noticed.
Overall, this makes me want to know more about these characters. Their relationship and reactions are very clear here, but I do want to know what happens next. You should for sure carry on with this. Keep up the good work.
| XxXKristie MarieXxX chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
You should for sure write more fiction.. this is awesome. Short simple but cute! Great job!
| Luna Turner chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
I'm debating whether or not the first sentence should have a comma after 'now' or not. For some odd reason I think it would sound better.
That might just be my opinion though. I did like it, and I would definitely read more.
You have great description, and I like your word choice.
| Moon-Chaser chapter 1 . 7/29/2009
I like this, short, simple and sweet. I hope that you keep writing things like this. Oddly I don't think that it needs to be expanded on, you could of course, but it can be complete as it is. Thats one of the reasons I like it.
Keep it up.
| multiples of six chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
Aww.. that's cute, but sad. I like it. You should write more fiction. )
| pure.ambition.writing chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
that was really great, it was short, concise, and emotive.
Unfortunately, I don't think we can create tabs on here, and it removes them (making them into breaks) whenever I copy & paste from microsoft word.
The only improvement that you could possibly surrender to with this piece, is more description. You could begin with his factors, how he feels his face grow red at her statement, then move onto her as she is drinking the soda, describing the little details of her appearance that he loves.
But it isn't necessary.
| Shelley Anderson chapter 1 . 7/28/2009
cute. It would be great as a longer story, I can just see it in my head ) but it is adorable just how it is. I think you are a good writer. Those are just my first thoughts after reading it