|Reviews for Ravenwood|
| painted eyes chapter 5 . 8/15/2009
Oh! This is good. Throwing in the small scene with the girl 'talking' to the raven was good. I can't wait to find out more!
| Opalsongbird chapter 1 . 8/13/2009
This is a very good story, I couldn't get enough of it even when I finished the last chapter. You need to finish it! It has a few grammatical and spelling errors in it, but that's ok. Check your chapters and read them slowly so you catch all the errors. Just because you know what it's meant to say doesn't mean everyone else does. I like how you have two seperate stories going on, it adds a texture most authors don't have. Please finish the story, it's captivating. Your description and tid-bits are really good, the put a clear picture in my head.
| Jordan Baines chapter 5 . 8/13/2009
Another great chapter. Lots of birds here, too. The last section is intriguing and it's starting to form real suspense with the rest of the story. Please update soon.
| shakey chapter 1 . 8/12/2009
Good chapter, well written!
| King of Kings chapter 1 . 8/11/2009
Great beginning. I like how you have set things up, with the family and the setting. It seems perfect, but there's a just noticeable sinister undertone to it all.
My interest is piqued. I'm eager to see how things transpire from here. ;)
| painted eyes chapter 4 . 8/9/2009
Oh this is interesting, really get to learn more about how Serena thinks. Curious to find out who Ian is, and more so to find out about Rebecca!
| Kimi492 chapter 4 . 8/7/2009
So, this was an interesting chapter. Its cool you've added a lighthouse to the story, which i've always thought of as kind of mysterious. as well as that shack, I wonder what's in there? I'm really intrigued about how the girls reacted when serena told them where she lives. I'm guessing it has something to do with rebecca, and maybe she's dead? ( the funeral talk?)but IDK. Anyways, I'm anxious to see where you're going to go with this. So, keep up the good work and please update soon!
| xenolith chapter 4 . 8/7/2009
Interesting chapter. I enjoyed your description of the lighthouse, it was lovely. And I liked: "Let's not go feral in the hallway," haha I think Wesley is probably my favourite character. I think the way you write your dialouge is fantastic, its very easy to follow and you mix it up with a lot of detail, which is great. I look forward to your next update and am very much enjoying reading this.
| painted eyes chapter 3 . 8/6/2009
This is interesting, and very easy to read. I'm curious as to what all the flashbacks or 'italic moments' are. I will keep reading on, definetly.
Urm, nothing really to criticise, but a few typos, like missing out letters, and I think at one point a word. But all is well really apart from that.
*Goes off to read the rest*
| sunsetting chapter 4 . 8/6/2009
the dialogue is interesting (even though they talk kinda weirdly) but it reveals quite a bit about the characters imo, which is always a good thing :) like the thing with emily. &serena's first uh input into the conversation was so awkward, but that's ohk - i'm guessing that was intentional? and anabel has past! ooh that sounds ominous. well i'm going to assume rebecca's dead because of all the funeral talk before &anabel is obvs convicted of something that's related. am i right ;) but anyways. characters again. serena's that typical careful, good girl. she's very (overtly) mature about things &it seems like she only wants to do things that are right.. well, based on thoughts &body language &dialogue, at least. but i think i'm right. but does she like them? "crazy Emily" &"goofball Sarah".. huh.
character sketch aside, i love that bit with the lighthouse. it's going to have significance later too, i bet. personally i never really liked lighthouses, all those winding stairs &such. but good for serena, i guess. or, well, bad for her. i bet something's going to happen there. and is carving supposed to be significant? haha i'm like psychoanalyzing like a loser, but dang i always thought carving was hard. i'm more of a 2d media kind of artist. &zodiac animals, too. huh. that's interesting.
your writing is very solid &the style/etc doesn't deviate. which is good. i wish i could learn that from you :x i'm thinking about the flashbacks from previous chapters.. oh man i want to see how this all links together as you get deeper into the story :)
| Becca88 chapter 4 . 8/6/2009
The chitchat at the lunch table was funny, but the conversation Serena overheard in the hall at her locker was weird. Where does this new Rebecca fit in? Was Wesley really at detention or somewhere else? Update soon please, please!
| Jordan Baines chapter 4 . 8/6/2009
I like the lighthouse already, as it adds mystery by just being there, especially since her parents didn't mention it. Hmm. Seems like her new friends have a sense of humor, but what was up with that exchange in the hall? Who's Rebecca?
Cute how Serena's nice to her little sister and not all touchy about letting Laura play with the miniatures she's carved.
| anabsenceofcreativity chapter 1 . 8/5/2009
This was good. It seems like the perfect 'everything is good' set-up with little indications like 'It kind of felt too good to be true' giving an ominous tone to it all. Your writing style is great, well-paced; a nice blend of dialogue, description and characterisation. I like the family dynamic they have what with the youngest, the younger and the not-so-young - you convey it very well.
Little mistakes I noticed:
"branches from trees on either side of the nearly touched each other" missing 'road'?
"I still stood by the care" car?
Anyways, keep up the good work.
| China Sorrows chapter 2 . 8/5/2009
Heh, I'm sorry, I had no intention of making you nervous and I'm positive you won't fall short of any expectations anyone has, I think you could write about a pink polar bear that walks on it's hind legs and smokes a pipe, and it would still be a good read because your writing style is great :)
Just keep writing!
| rust phoenix chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
Hello, thank you for the reviews! I am really glad you enjoyed my writing. :)
I like your writing style. It's very fun to read, with the descriptions and character interactions so well done. You also have excellent grammar, which always helps. I was curious as to how old the characters were. I got the impression that the narrator was the oldest, then Jaymie, then Laura. Ravenwood sounds like a beautiful town. I like how you showed how different it is than what the characters are used to. I'm not sure how the quarter system works for schools, but that's not a problem with the story, it's just me being from Canada where we use a different system. It's not really an important detail, but I was just curious as to how it worked.
Your characters are very likable. The sibling interactions were cute. I have added you to author alerts. Keep writing and have a great day!