|Reviews for Falling asleep in Ball Gowns|
| Black Sparrow chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
I do not think there is a word suitable enough to describe this poem - it is, without doubt, above amazing. Your word choices and descriptions are phenomenal and this is, without doubt, one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful things I have ever read.
I love the way the lines don't rhyme and the way you've formatted each stanza is brilliant.
She does not wear jewelry; instead
she has curled wild blue bells around her
fingers with string; looped ivy through the
wholes in her ears, and smeared pomegranate
juice at the base of her neck -
she wants to smell like the earth, and
when he touches her, she wants him
to feel the whole word inside her.
That is definitely my favourite part. Without question. The part which you used in the (oh dear, I've lost the proper word, you blew my mind away...) story description along with your choice of the title is what made me click on this link and take a look and I can happily say that I am not disappointed with what I found. As I said, you've blown my mind away - this is one of the most amazing poems I've ever read if not THE most amazing... but then again, as fore said, I think this is above amazing too.
Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, and intriguing.
Awesome work and anybody who does not envy your talent as much as I do is a fool... or already really, really good. But I don't think they come much better than you. :)
Peace out and never stop writing.
| in theory chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
There is something so powerful about the word "collarbone", I think it has something to do with it being a bone between the voice, heart, mind and tongue. It's like the common ground, and it sounds so creepily evocative to say it out loud too. I love how you use it almost as a mechanical device, something sewn into an outfit that when worn, clasps together a personality and transforms it into something reserved, literally squeezing in the body and the soul.
"he is soft undulation" is lovely, the word 'undulation' to me *sounds* (why is there still no option to underline/italicise in reviews..!) as if it, itself, the word - has a power that it shouldn't. Like the sound is so intangible that it has an undue supernaturality about it, it's a lovely way to describe a person. And then to later describe him as soft plumes of limbs surprised me, I rarely come across men being portrayed as feminine in poetry in a way that doesn't make me want to throw a fit.
"coiled against him like matted rope" is another striking metaphor, for all of her elegance and regal accoutrements (is this even a word? I mean clothes really...) she still has a utility about her body; it's been tangled but not broken beyond use.
I really enjoyed this piece, has it been voted for/how does the voting work exatly?
| Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
I can't even pick out my favorite parts or lines because there would be too many.
This piece is just brilliant, I really enjoyed reading it :)
| sophiesix chapter 1 . 8/14/2009
I get so distracted by the beauty and rhythms of your poetry that i lose sense of the meaning. then i have to read it all over again to enjoy the meaning - so I'm getting a long long love story here, someone remembering her love from when he was young, and finishing up when they aer both old and (nicely) still both alive and together. I'm not sure where the ballgowns come into that, except perhaps to suggest a past time and class, a lusciousness. maybe i missed something. But it was lovely anyway.
| MusicBender chapter 1 . 8/14/2009
wow. i wish i had something more intelligent to say, but once you read a piece of writing that tops your best attempt at poetry it does sort of make the words on your tongue disappear leaving you with a slightly tilted head, a faint smile on your lips, your mind racing to try and comprehend exactly what it is you just read, and a hint of envy for the author who holds the ability to stir such frustrated and awed emotions in you with just a few words put together in such a way they flow like silk... then wow is pretty much all you can say.
| abcdefgh chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
This is an intriguing poem. I like the various metaphors and similes used to help the reader visualize the scene. "Her collar bones were metallic wires holding her devotion together" effectively describes the girl's love and emotions for the boy.
The word choice and vocabulary in this poem help add depth and meaning to it. Words like "soft undulation" and "feral howls" help the reader view the situation from the perspective of the characters by insinuating a certain mood or way of thinking.
In my opinion, the underlying message or interpretation of this poem is a bit muddled. I cannot quite understand what it is that is being conveyed here. I would infer that the poem is describing a state of calm or peace, or perhaps the force of devoted love.
There were a few typos in this piece. Several words were misspelled, and some of the stanzas did not begin with a capital letter. I am wondering if that was intentional to add a certain meaning; if that is the case, then I would say that they distract from the reading. Nevertheless, this is a descriptive poem with many different meanings for its readers.
| pale doll chapter 1 . 8/6/2009
This is beautiful and very mature. It has amazing sensuality and imagery. I cannot choose a favorite line, they are all wonderful.
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
Wow, what a beautifully crafted poem, probably my favorite of your newest additions.
"she wants to smell like the earth, and
when he touches her, she wants him
to feel the whole word inside her. It billows out
from her like a sail caught in the eye of a storm"
That is the best stanza I've read in a while. The idea of her wanting to be like the earth so that he can feel the world inside her is fresh, creative, and beautiful.
All in all, a wonderful piece.
| Isca chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
ENJOYMENT & RHYTHM: This poem was a pleasure to read. There was something about it that reminded me of the Pre-Raphaelite movement - maybe it was the lush language and floral imagery. Considering that this poem didn't have a set rhyme scheme, it was quite smooth and rhythmic - the mixture of colour, sound, and emotion truly made this poem unique and stunning.
TONE: The tone of the line, "love is something to be cultivated," is both rich and wise - the fact that you compared love to agriculture is rather creative and brilliant. The tone of the entire final stanza is absolutely moving and heart-warming - the 'still-born colouring' part, in particular, left the reader feeling breathless. Wow.
WORD CHOICE: The words in this poem blended quite well with each other - the diction is both lush and floral. Your use of the words "wrinkling," "crescendo," "billows," "undulation," etc, truly added personality and depth to the poem's imagery - the way in which you weaved your words together really enhanced the flow of the poem.
DESCRIPTIONS/IMAGES: I liked the imagery in the line, "as if her collar bones were metallic wires holding her devotion together," as it's quite guttural and striking. I also particularly liked the line, "all soft plumes of limbs," as it's incredibly vivid and moving - excellent use of the word 'plume,' by the way.
Good luck in the WCC this month,
(The Review Game - Poems - Depth)
| Zombiesaurus Rex chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
Wow. I love how you use rhythm in this piece. It sort of flows together, and even when the beat changes it slips under your radar unless you're really watching for it. It makes for an interesting read.
I'm also rather fond of the lack of most rhyming. The way you use free verse works so well this piece, and it really suits the imagery you used.
I must admit that I still haven't quite nailed down the theme, but it's still quite an excellent piece. Thoroughly enjoyed it.
| ArekuKawaii chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
I really like your word choice in this poem because it suits it perfectly. Your words make the poem flow well and the images created in my mind are nice. I also like that the word choice is not too intelligent or simple, it is the perfect inbetween for this poem.
I like that you put the word 'out' as its own line in stanza four. I thought of someone being pushed out or just not belonging to the group because they are out. Nicely done putting that word alone because it was very thought provocking.
I like the fifth stanza about the fruit and plant imagery because it is so serene and beautiful. It gave off a tone of simple bliss and calm feelings.
'whole word inside her.' I am pretty sure you meant 'world' as that would fit better for what was being mentioned above it.
I like your use of ceasura in this poem because the pause in the middle of the line is a nice touch to poems and yours pulled it off nicely.
I wasn't a fan of the italliced 'undone' because it seemed like you were trying to be too poetic in a way. However, the always italliced was nice for this poem because it added the extra touch to that word.
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
this was such a beautiful poem! i don't even know where to begin! Your descriptions were amazing, i could really see everything you were describing.
your first stanza was probably my favorite, flawless.
great story too. good luck in the WCC, though i doubt you need it cause you'll do well without it.
| Tjikicew chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
How did you capture my love to my wife?
I could hate or love you to death, or both, for this!
I give you too little credit for your works of art.
Thank you for sharing. Love and peace!
| Vancelle chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
The language of the poem is very...I don't want to say flowery, but it is. In a good way, though. I love seeing words that people never use in conversation.
'Not far from here she is wrinkling
herself into the arms of a boy,' - Wrinkling doesn't quite sound right here. Not just on the page, but when read aloud, there's something that doesn't quite fit.
'She’ll spend the autumn much in this way,
coiled against him like matted rope; ebullient
but for the hope of time; because love is something
to be cultivated,' - I love this stanza. It starts out so casual, and then the wording and imagery hits your mind and you can't stop thinking of how beatiful it sounds.
| L. Cybert chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
Impressively written! Very refreshing to see such imagery. I must admit that your style was a bit difficult for me to comprehend by the fourth stanza, but once I progressed further in your poem I found it coherent and enjoyable. Good work! ]