|Reviews for The Doggerel Ballads|
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
Wait, so is Cyhyraeth existing in both worlds at once? That's an interesting idea. I hope we learn more about how he got to be on his quest, and assembled the fellowship, and all of that. It would help clear up some confusion, after you dumped us into this right in the middle of things.
The second sentence of the first paragraph was rather long. In fact, if the first sentence hadn't been there, it would've been the *whole* paragraph. Consider revising it by breaking it into two or three sentences.
This problem actually seems to be a theme throughout this chapter. It makes it more difficult to pay attention to what's going on, because by the time we get to the end of the sentence, we've lost track of what you were talking about to begin with. (Have you read Thomas Jefferson? Case in point.) Long sentences are okay, but not when they're all like that. You want a mix of sentence lengths, to balance each other out.
You switch tenses halfway through from past to present, and then back to past, which I didn't really understand. Pick one or the other; it just comes across as sloppy otherwise.
Best of luck!