|Reviews for The aunts and I|
| CostumeForAGutterball chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
WOW-I love this piece! It's shocking with the violence, but i LOVE the ending...such a fantastic look at ageing. Its so personal, I feel like I know the woman. Amazing! I love your work-keep it up!
*do you have fb?*
| words are all I have chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
Hmm It's a little confusing, you seem to end lines when it's only supposed to be half way through it, which made it hard to follow. The rhyming scheme is a little all over the place too, sometimes it rhymes, half rhymes or just doesn't. I thought the lines being cut short made it quite awkward but on looking again the messed up rhyming actually adds a nice sort of quality to it. I honestly don't know what to think of it. I'm pretty sure this fits the requirements but if not please say and i'll review something else. Apologies if this review is confusing. :/
| Kate Marshall chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
Your [description/image] were fantastic. :D "like some sort of season, changeable, he merely evaporated like water thrown on the porch which has since melted in the sun". How accurate! The sense of people, presence, and feelings being as changing as the seasons is very profound and added so much depth to the poem!
I have to say that I didn't always love the [form]. Of course the form doesn't reflect on your writing ability, so perhaps it's not such a big deal at all. I just think some of the lines were too short, making the rhythm choppier than it would have been otherwise.
Some of your [word choices] were very clever and crafty. :) Words like "sequestered", "floundering", "cluster", and "sepia" made the poem feel so 'alive' and active.
[Enjoyment/Other] I loved the ending. Oh, my. I just loved it. The tone and phrasing of the comparison was simply gorgeous, and frankly, I'm in love with it. :) I thought it was rather perfect, and the imagery was lush and strong. Wonderful poem, Faithless Juliet!
-Peach/Kate, RG depth review.
| Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 8/10/2009
Outstanding detail, both emotional and physical. The way that you've drawn in the specifics creates a rolling portrait of the situation as well as the scene. You always seem to have a way of coming up with something just unique enough that it is recognizable and freshly scribed all at once. I quite envy that. It is a marvelous trait to have. Great Write. MD:77.
| Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
I liked the rhythm in the first stanza. It made me think of skipping, haha, and it's song-like. I liked your use of "sequestered," an uncommon verb.
I liked the particular attention to detail with the lines
"having been tucked
Again, with "along the crease in the sheets," and I could also picture the kitten "floundering on shaky toothpick legs."
us later that she put the
rest of the litter in a bag
before taking a hammer
to their skulls.]
First of all, the above was a good line to put into your summary. The lines were particularly powerful due to your earlier mention of how frail the kittens were. A theme could easily be the demolition of innocence.
[one tiny window-whole]
That wasn't a typo, right?
[way the lines droop across her
face like a lazy current in a river.]
That was a nice simile.
[least her sense of complacently is,]
Am I missing something, or should that be "complacency," as "complacently" is an adverb and not a noun.
[hungry to knock wholes in their]
Again, did you mean "holes," or as it is?
hot sex, and girls, sweet
and supple, ready to comply
in a small town where people
tend to follow the trend of looking
the other way -]
I like the brutal and blunt honesty.
[It’s more about her,
then about them]
Don't you mean "than?"
evaporated like water thrown on
the porch which has since melted in
Another great simile.
[ordered from a cataloged]
Typo; take out the d.
and half empty,
much like herself these days.]
Powerful. But hollow means fully empty - but then you said half empty?
Great job. Keep writing!
| Faal Luen chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
I find this poem refreshing, its blatent disregard for some "taboo" subjects, perhaps taboo is not quite right, prehaps what i'm trying to say is that its honesty is refreshing, almost in a childlike manner.
Also it is not set in some far off world, it is set in the everyday.
| Isca chapter 1 . 8/5/2009
ENJOYMENT: Honestly, Faithless Juliet, this is one of your best pieces. It was an absolute pleasure to read. The title of the poem, 'The Aunts and I,' adds such depth and character to the piece right off-the-bat. There's something about this title that reminded me of occultism (that's a good thing). The characters, images, and topics in this poem were all infused with life and personality - I just can't say enough good things about this piece - I loved it. :D
DESCRIPTIONS/IMAGES: The line, "he merely evaporated like water thrown on the porch," was not only vivid in terms of its imagery, but the fact that the speaker compares her fleeting romantic encounters to all things 'changeable,' truly makes this stanza striking and fascinating - what a great metaphor! The ending of the poem is also extremely moving - the words 'sepia,' 'hollow,' and 'half-empty,' brilliantly correspond to the line 'much like herself these days' - the 'automaton' imagery here is divine.
TONE: I cannot even begin to tell you how much the line, "she put the rest of the litter in a bag before taking a hammer
to their skulls," affected me - the tone of this line is unbelievably intense - truly, this is one of those lines that make an imprint on your mind. There is a lingering tone throughout this piece that captivates the reader - perhaps it is sardonic or sarcastic or devilish - either way, the mood of the poem is wonderfully original, and the speaker's attitude is invigorating.
WORD CHOICE: Many of your words choices, such as "sequestered," "floundering," "cluster," "complacently," and "sepia," were very crafty and lush - adding an air of intellectuality to the piece. I also liked your use of the word 'saggy' in the fifth stanza - the 'age' behind this word really contrasted the 'youthful' imagery well.
(The Review Game - Poems - Depth)
| anjehlessa chapter 1 . 8/5/2009
Wow this was really good. I loved the description in this poem because it showed how the girl and her family came on hard times. I also loved the way you portrayed your characters...they almost seemed real to me in a poetic kind of way. It seemed almost choppy to me, but I liked it that way; it went well with the atmosphere and tone of the poem. I also liked the fact that you talked about the girl from another narrator's prospective, and not from the girl herself. This gave a new edge to your poem.
Keep up the good work.
| Louis Denair chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
This is a marvelous achievement. Possibly one of the best pieces I've read of yours. The kitten descriptions had a truly touching brutality- shaky toothpick legs were my favorite(if you can use this word). The description of the girl is very vivid, it really made me feel sorry for her and the ending lines were just sublime.
Much like herself these days- oh this is ecstatic. Keep up the _grand_ work. ;)