Reviews for The Story of Olivier Part II
Solomon Sia chapter 4 . 5/14/2012
This is really funny. I just realised I've spent the previous 3 chapters in needless sensory deprivation. I thought the dead realm was one of perpetual blindness, since touch and hearing were the only sensations you wrote about thus far.

Suddenly I get the impression that sight exists. However, is there any colour in the land of the dead? sight is so weak here. What do the other spirits look like?

Then the impression of sight fades again. Dang it! This writing style without sight is just too classy. I love how all the other senses are amplified by comparison.

Now, the dead guy is being destroyed by the one who probably was most likely to forgive him. I must read on.

Consider revising:

Many of their words were unnecessary and needed not been prompted by a kick or a punch.

All the same, I was not restricted by the constraints of the mortal world, so why couldn't I just materialize at this place of feeding with only the thought.
Solomon Sia chapter 3 . 5/14/2012
I love the way you build up anticipation of the punishment rather than dwelling on the punishment itself.

You're making Valcar a very attractive character. I can imagine him being the single light in the darkness.

Enjoy how harrowing the punishment is. Shiv. Best part is that hanging over is head, I also like how it could always get worse.
Solomon Sia chapter 2 . 5/14/2012
This guy is so concerned about physical contact! It makes the whole concept of touch have new meaning.

I like the entire section of asking for forgiveness. It is nice to write letters that perfectly describe how you feel.

consider revising these sentences

We had no physical contact like such things were forbidden.

It was smooth and gloved covered

How could be all bad and deserving of my wrath?
Solomon Sia chapter 1 . 5/14/2012
Would this be what eternity would be like. (missing question mark?) I could rest and think over my life.

I like philosophy in the face of danger.

This Olivier creature is such a flawed being! So much need for comfort and yet so unable to express it himself, or deserve it. I can't wait to read on.

The emotional roller coaster that Olivier goes through makesthis fun. I like how his inner thoughts switch in maturity level.
Faywriter chapter 1 . 6/8/2010
Although the story in itself was quite compelling, I must admit I had trouble connecting it to your previous chapter. In your last chapter you spoke of him being tossed out from his parents house to make it on his own and not truly aware of where he was going. But in this chapter it is as if he might not be aware of who is speaking but somehow is aware of his fate. I also didn't see the connection of the abuse of his nephew and the murder of his father which was mentioned here having not previously been mentioned in your former chapter. Maybe if you had provided a little back information to get us up to speed in this chapter, it might have been a little helpful. Overall I did find the chapter to be as compelling as the first as far as mood and atmosphere. It does seem to have the same consistency as the first in that respect.

I have submitted two other chapters since your last correspondence and I hope you do get a chance to review them as well. And I do hope to read more of your work soon.
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 8/26/2009
Herro there. Me again after such a long time. Actually I planned to review this only after getting up a new chapter of The Eternal Grail, but guess some things just can't wait lol! XD Well, I do think that this is an interesting start to part 2 of this story. To be honest the whole afterlife part here reminds me of The Great White Throne in the Book of Revelations in the Bible. I don't know why, but I just felt this way. And I guess the kind dude interceding for Olivier was Valcar? Anyway, interesting to see how Olivier will go about performing his tasks. I wonder if the dead needed to sign the confession will include Olivier's parents. Things definitely won't go smoothly for him if that's the case by my own guess. :S
Shadowhound chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
Sorry for the belated review (I like saying the same thing over and over again). First few weeks of school and I moved into a new apartment. Barely had any time to do my own writing.

Anyways, I like how the courtroom-like scene played out. On the other hand, it sometimes felt as if the judges and other entities in there weren't inhuman enough. Mainly it's the line, “Not just like that. He would have most likely ran from your home. He would have found it hard to trust you again.” Since they're other worldly beings capable of rewarding and punishing any soul that passes their way, should they be more sure about something? A common way most people do supernatural entities like you're portraying here is having them speak in absolutes. THIS is what will happen. THIS is what you will do. YOU need to put down that lamp, Carrie. Put it down, you're GOING to break it. Really wish you could italics in these reviews. Anyways, I just found the dialogue a little off putting on the deities/judges/anthropomorphic personification of death(s) part.

Other than that, I enjoyed it.

Shadowhound
faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 8/13/2009
ooh this chapter was so creepy! Poor Olivier, especially mixed in with the fact that he can't see what's going on. I would be so freaked out!

'“Stand up!” came a firm voice booming from an unknown source.' Ooh ominous!

'You will be punished with pain unimaginable in an increasing rate to your soul for the rest of eternity. There will be no reprieve. You will be constantly reminded of your crimes' sounds nasty. I'm glad that the other guy is more sympathetic. I really enjoyed the explanation of the difference between what Olivier did to Alteng's eye and the other things that he did, makes the jusgement seem very level-headed.

'never wanted to know the solidness and shape of my face and body' Once more, I love how you've portrayed his blindness, and his ignorance of what it's actually like to be able to see.

'You will face your sentence half a day for everyday, excluding your birthday, for the next seven years or as long as it may take to achieve your goal here' Nice that he gets his birthday off. I wonder if they do cake :)

'This contract will be a plea to the ones that you have wronged. If you acquire the signatures of those that are here in the World of the Dead, then you will go back to the World of the Living as a ghost to get Altenglisch Hans Cuxhaven’s signature of forgiveness. If you succeed, you will be as one pardoned. You will never know the joys of the Blessed, but neither will you be punished any longer. You will have seven years to do this. If you fail to get even one signature, then your punishment will be reinstated in full with no reprieve or hope. Is this understood' Oh god that sounds hard! He's gonna need all the help he can get! I wonder how on earth he's going to be able to get his dad to sign that. Should be pretty interesting to see!

I love how dark this story is - at times it can be so twisted and angsty, which is great. I also really like how you've portrayed the afterlife in this one. Looking forward to seeing more!
Narq chapter 1 . 8/6/2009
Wow, this is one tense and intruging chapter. I couldn't find any typos, like any other of your stories, and I'd say that this is one of the most attention-catching stories I've read.

Keep up the great work!

Narq.