Reviews for war in your bedroom
Sepulchred chapter 1 . 9/3/2011
I am in love with this. I wish I had something pretty and profound to say, but I don't.

My only criticism is your lack of capitals, although I'm aware that it was likely by choice.
a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 8/13/2009
(! sounds like my bedroom floor.)

but anyway. so cute and creatively written. together, the first two sentences of the third paragraph make up my favourite part - something about how the bed is an island and the simple things the speaker finds endearing about the other person. really nice little story.
C. S. Johns chapter 1 . 8/9/2009

Oh, this is good... I don't know where to start. I mean, there's not much writing here, but there is a lot to respond to, still so much to take in.

I love the idea of "leaving your mark" through a muddy footprint on a pair of jeans scattered among dozens of other items and clothes on the floor (presumably, haha) of some room in some house off of some street in same place of the world. I guess I like how this writing insists there is meaning in the smallest of things. I think I worry often about leaving my "mark" on the world and fear that in the end I won't leave much of a mark. Sometimes I try and think back to times when I may have made a mark of my own, and I DO come up with meaningful moments where I feel I impacted the world in a positive way, even if it wasn't extraordinary and only involved myself and a couple of other people (which it usually does). My first reaction is to feel fulfilled and capable, but then it's as though (after only a moment's hesitation) a second voice swoops in and whispers, "too small." and I'm left feeling almost empty about this same moment.

That's why I like your take on it better - "we have to leave our mark any way we can". I'll try and think that next time, instead.

I felt blown away when I finished it. Your last line ended it perfectly, I thought. Keep it up!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 8/9/2009
"your sanity keeps it company"... them (promises)

It seemed like italics was them speaking, but it seemed really odd that someone would say " I think it's brown carpet" unless they were asked. I would rephrase it maybe.

I really like this. I think you started it off really well and definitely make the reader want to learn more about the "you" character. I also think you describe the room really well and I think you create a picture of both the narrator and the other person beautifully. Really sweet ending.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (links in my profile).
fairytale failure chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
Very endearing. I loved the description especially about the lack of floor and the guy's appearance. Well written!