Reviews for One Day
excentricreativity chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
I really liked the repeating pretense. It sort of grounded the poem whereas the line lengths were all over.

In this line "One day, the only person I'd shed tears for, is going to be you" I don't think you should have put the comma after for. It would have flowed better is you put that on the next line or just took out the comma.

-EC from the review marathon.
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
I like how this is phrased, in a hypothetic future tense. It makes it seem like the reader really only has a crush, but is desperately trying to make it into love. At least that's how I see it.

The repitition was decent. I don't think it was completely necessary, but it didn't detract from the piece, either.

[your beautiful voice will sing me to sleep] I like how that line can be taken either literally or figuratively.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
pippin tomson chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
I ca sympathise with how you feel, and I like the structure.. the repetition and the bold wirting works.. each line makes you smile.. captures little moments well..