Reviews for Highjacked Heart
alwaysfaith chapter 4 . 9/4/2009
If I was Tyne, I'd be like "DUDE. I. DON'T. KNOW. HOW. SERIOUSLY TELL ME NOW"

I would get so angry.

but then rave would make me feel bad because he's all not well and everything.

I can't wait for the rest of Tyne's story. (:
Elkica chapter 4 . 9/4/2009
Uh, I really like the way this is going. It’s really exciting chapter.

Now, your description is really poetic and great and I love it (loved the comparison of movement of Rave’s hair with the sea thing – so great), but you have to be careful so that the clarity doesn’t suffer because of it. Clarity of the story should always come first, without it the reader can’t really tell what’s going on. I also have to point out that using: growled –countered- snapped – hugged – hissed- snarled draws the eye more on the tags than on the dialogue. The tag: he said, it’s so common that usually the eye just skips over it. And this can be a little annoying:

“Leave it,” Rave growled when Tyne moved towards the pile of clothes.

“Why?” he challenged with a frown.

“Why keep it?” Rave countered.

“Because I want my things,” Tyne snapped.

Rave huffed and rolled his eyes. “Fine. Hurry.”

“Would you stop rushing me?” Tyne hissed. He drew back instantly in his surprise. Why did he suddenly feel like challenging Rave was a safe thing to do when not three nights ago he’d been sweating over the fact that he was certain the stranger was going to demand he pull over on some dark road and then shoot him?

“Only if you want to end up bleeding,” Rave snarled.

All in all a wonderful new chapter, that, as it should, gave me more questions than answers and I'm looking forward to read the next one. Well done you. xD
Alumina chapter 3 . 9/3/2009
I really like this story so far. You've succeeded in creating a special atmosphere that runs throughout the story. Can't wait to find out what's really going on.
Elkica chapter 3 . 8/25/2009
Ok, another question: Why would Tyne’s inquiry from Ma and Pa get him killed?- Why was the carjacker so angry about this one? – I hope you would explain this in the next chapters.

I have to say that Ryme was a real bastard and a good actor if Rave for such a long time didn’t believe Tyne that he doesn’t know him and thought that he was playing a joke on him and I wonder why did the name Rave give such a bad feeling to Tyne. And what’s with the moon-promises and did Tyne felt the shadows and darkness/ the fits before he met Rave? Questions, questions – that means you are doing a great job. I’m really interested in Tyne and Rave, and since I have a feeling like Rave is some-kind of Tyne’s guardian/servant (the floor-sleeping thing), I can’t wait to see if I’m right. You manage to suck me in the story so much that at the end of the chapter I was, what it’s over already? Damn.

Great story and great description, not to mention that since you are using the right proportion with description, action/dialogue and Tyne’s thoughts the story flows really well. Looking forward to read more of it.
Elkica chapter 2 . 8/25/2009
Just a little something before I go the third chapter, regarding the fact that the man this threatened Tyne with the gun, his outburst sounded a little out of place, maybe if he would at the beginning say, I played your game so far, but …, which would tell me that with his threats and the gun, he was just playing along… or something. If he believed that Tyne knows him, wouldn’t he in the start act differently, and would he even point the gun at Tyne? Another thing that made me wondering was: Why couldn’t Tyne call the police himself?
Elkica chapter 1 . 8/25/2009
This story gives me a feeling that it’s something that you thought long and hard about it, that is something that is in a rough lines already mapped and plotted out and if that is the case that YAY for you. YAY.

I like the slow trail of Tyne’s thoughts, how he is a stubborn and not willing to give in the situation in which he found himself, not willing to go with a flow and the way you described the confusion at the end of the chapter was just great.

I noticed just small things that you could improve: when I stared to read the first paragraph I was distracted with the – “as he considered his position. – since I don’t know what position is, and even though I learn that in the progression of the story, I think it would be good if you define that position. (as the though that he was a hostage, erm, erm, slapped him over his face again. – just example.)

And when you have: “When Tyne stumbled again, he lacked the strength to catch himself or balance again. The young man – when I read the young man, I was which young man, is there another person beside him, and than I was like, oh, yeah, he is the young man - since he is the alone, you don’t need to define him, I recommend you just use he and save the young man for some other occasion, where you would have to define him.
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