Reviews for Deadbeat Buzz Flare
underrose chapter 1 . 8/15/2009
i must say, first off, well done.

the first and last verses had the best flow; the two middle verses, not so much...

for example, i would change:

secend verse:

"A deadbeat he was once called / A deadbeat he once was called

With a buzz he let loose a flare / And buzzing he let loose a flair

By a mighty bear was he mauled / Mauled by a mighty bear

Daggers are but a pair / (i didn't understand this line.)"

third verse: "Shock into nimbleness one can foresee / Shocked into nimbleness, one can see

The number of only three / The {solid} number of only three

Indeed a solemn wish / check

Serve up a corroded dish. /check."

good job.