|Reviews for Modern Romance of a Broken Soul, Take II
| Guest chapter 1 . 4/20/2019
I loveeeee blake
| Zoyzoybaloy chapter 1 . 5/5/2013
PLEASE, I beg you, FINISH THIS! Hahaha, but in all honesty you should. This is really good and I much prefer if to the older one; the plot seems to flow more smoothly while the other one felt kind of abrupt. I know you haven't updated for about 3 years but honestly this is such a good story and I really want to know how Blake is after his dad comes. I feel like his sister will be cold and indifferent, and he'll be shattered and I can't wait to see if that's what's going to happen, and see how she helps put him back together and stuff. Anyway, that's enough of a ramble for now. I will leave you with one parting note: PLEASE UPDATE!
| Me102 chapter 15 . 1/15/2013
You should totally continue this!
| k85call chapter 1 . 4/21/2011
I have just discovered this website (AKA my new addiction :)) and I have to say that I think Blake is one a my favorite characters ever written. You wrote him very well. Both his flaws and his charms. My favorite part of the character is his depth. You know from the very beginning he is a deep and pensive person and i think it only brings intrigue to the story.
I do think the second draft of Modern Romance seems to fit everything personality-wise and captures attention better than the first draft although i liked it as well. I think it was smart to just call Neil, neil. I don't know why but Nash made him seem less relatable. Either way keep it up! I can't wait to see how this story turns out.
| bigXxdreamer chapter 15 . 4/8/2011
as always you deliver, well- versed!
cant wait for the next chapter!
| x Storm x chapter 15 . 1/30/2011
Darn. Well, that was... kind of expected, I guess, but it doesn't mean I'm not really mad at Eloise right now. And I still don't like Landon, he still appears a phony little boy that didn't want a toy, but couldn't let another boy have it. Weird comparison, I know. But darn, I could hit Eloise right now. Because she managed to be a coward by not fighting back Lauren's anger AND she managed to hurt Blake (who's my favourite character, as I might have mentioned a few times already). He opened his heart and mind to her, telling her exactly how he felt and he was really nice, telling her that he'd wait if she was still confused... but obviously, he can't just stand there watching her kiss Landon! The guy has some self-esteem, and I really share his anger.
Still. I like him with Eloise, so I hope they'll sort things out. BUT she'll have to tell him she's sorry first. And she'll have to be sure she doesn't want Landon anymore. (Hey, who'd want Landon if you can get Blake? Really!)
Now that I read what I've written in this review, I kind of realise it mostly doesn't make sense. I guess I'm still a bit emotional after reading the chapter. But what I'm trying to say is that I loved the chapter. I'm angry at Eloise. I want to hurt Landon (badly). I love Blake (and wouldn't mind comforting him... if he weren't so perfect for Eloise). And I really hope you'll be able to update soon, because I love this story. So good job, and keep writing! :-)
| innoc3nc3cuti3 chapter 15 . 1/30/2011
Such a good chapter. oh no a love triangle but I have a feeling it will be Blake that Eloise is supposed to be with. Poor Eloise confuse and Blake got cold toward her. His character grows on me throughout the chapters. Looking forward to your next chapter.
| anon123 chapter 14 . 1/9/2011
Love this fic! It's great to see Georgiana coming out of her 'shell' and starting to realize her feelings for Blake. Can't wait for the next chap!
| Elena chapter 14 . 1/4/2011
So I'm at home and I've started reading your story and all of a sudden I look at the time and
Its like six in the morning! Very gripping stuff. You have a great gift for sucking a reader in and the way you've built up the relationship between Eloise and Blake is done with great skill and delicacy.
I really love this story. However I do have some critisium. I think that whole thing you're trying to set up between Eloise is kind of bizarre
1. He is clearly sleeping with her friend
2. There is no real investment in their relationship within the story. He doesn't appear in enough scenes with Eloise for the reader to believe a romantic relationship could blossom - he seems more like a background character who out of the blue is a love rival?
3. You've built the whole story around blake and eloise and it feels weird now you're trying to downplay that relationship in favour of landon.
It would be really interesting to see some kind of interaction between penn and eloise, there is obviousely a lot of pain and disappointment there and it would be interesting to see how penn reacts now his son has lost his wings.
I can't wait to see what the actual deal is with frankie and landon, because quite honesty she's putting up with a lot of shit from him, if they're seeing eachother I don't see why she doesn't just confront eloise.
Eloise is also a great character but I wish she would grow a bit of backbone, its starting to get a bit annoying how she just refuses to deal with stuff.
Hope some of that was useful, please update soon! X
| runtransatlantic chapter 11 . 12/28/2010
"I'd been spending more time with Blake and the Granvilles." here, i think she has her facts a bit wrong-we don't know what she did for most of the summer. the story started-i think-six days before summer ended? so that's just a little inconsistency. ]
yay! he's not going to spend his weekends at the school! that would have made me sad... so much happens in their house and i think it is the best environment for them to continue building their relationship because they are alone, minus the maids, until the families get back from italy.
lauren is a butt. but i would have done the same thing as eloise. not to give lauren the satisfaction, but because i wouldn't have wanted to be in the same room as her.
what's going on with frankie and landon? that sounds so fishy!
she should have slept in blake's room. or he should have offered to stay there with her. sleeping in a common room can be sketchy.
i'm glad she talked to neil. he did deserve an explanation.
and, here comes michael! we shall see what happens!
good chapter. they are definitely getting better as you go on, which i think i've said before. but it's still true! ]
| runtransatlantic chapter 10 . 12/28/2010
they are so adorable. *is sounding more and more like a fan girl with every review*
"... hair completely down..." i find this worded awkwardly-it breaks up the flow a bit. i'm not sure how to fix it though.
aw. that scene where he's playing with her hair is just too cute. i miss falling asleep in my fiance's lap.
poor neil. i hope that eloise does talk to him. he deserves and explanation!
this chapter was so cute. i could hardly keep myself from squealing at certain points.
| runtransatlantic chapter 9 . 12/28/2010
giggle. i hate the texture of red velvet cake. it just looks fansy in my opinion. but it's my mom's favorite, so since i've moved here, my sister and i always make it for her birthday.
eloise is rather spineless... i'm hoping that we'll see a change in her as the story progresses!
... that was so sad. blake seems so... broken after that exchange. i just want to hug him!
'... a bit of silver leaking into his gaze..." i really like that bit! so pretty!
there. that's what i want to see. blake is being a little bitch. i think he needed to act more like that at the beginning of the story!
OH. michael is her brother. ignore my comment in a previous review asking who he was. my bad.
i love the description of the eye makeup. one of my good friends at school does make up, and she made me look... so cool. it's insane what that stuff can do!
blake is jealous. he is so jealous. no denying that. blake is jealous! *giggles*
ahahaha. "His girlfriend." I love that.
ah. i may have to read another chapter. i want to know what he wants to talk about! if you don't hear from me again tonight, it's because i fell asleep as i was reading.
very good job at the end there. it built up suspense and it kept me reading without interruption. this chapter didn't seem too long at all. i think it moved quickly and it worked.
| runtransatlantic chapter 8 . 12/28/2010
i think this may have to be my last chapter for the night-it's getting rather late, and i'm getting rather tired. but we shall see!
AH. i wanted to hear frankie's boy gossip! bad landon!
does blake already know about eloise's therapy sessions? because that seems like it's something that's... very personal. when i was in therapy, only a few people knew about it, and if it was so much as hinted at during conversation, i filled out at them. i feel like it's something that needs a little bit more explaining because she doesn't really react much.
i just want to shoot caroline. she is so mean to blake. i hope that eloise listens to the shrink and landon and tries to comfort him.
blake has a little sister? i hope we hear more about her in the future! that seems like an interesting little mystery.
SHE'S MAKING ELOISE GO WITH NEIL? i really don't like her now! though that scene should be interesting. ] i do hope that it doesn't come between eloise and blake too much... blake did not seem happy about that.
regarding your note: i didn't catch any grammar issues or spelling errors or typoes. so you did a fine job editing!
i think i have one more chapter in me. my notes are getting shorter and shorter because the story is getting more engrossing. the shorter my notes, the more i'm interested. ]
*clicks next button*
| runtransatlantic chapter 7 . 12/28/2010
HALFWAY MARK AS OF WHAT'S CURRENTLY POSTED! *punches air with fist* wo! i'm so going to finish reviewing before i go back to school. that way, i can keep up as you update more easily.
i thoroughly enjoy how much neil talks. you rarely see guy characters that talk so much. perhaps insert some snippets of his one-sided dialog? i think it would be entertaining.
aw. he asked her out! so. cute. but he's not the male lead. [
HAHAHAHA. he realized that she likes blake before she does! hahahahaha. how often we witness that happening with friends.
aw, she's so cute. she seems to turn super red no matter what. i have a friend like that. i provoke it al the time.
interesting. i'm wondering why landon was glad she didn't say yes. i thought he liked frankie? or perhaps he knows something about neil that we and eloise don't yet! because blake agrees that something is off with him later in the chapter.
400 people. wow. that would definately allow for the small-town syndrome to happen. everyone knows everything about everyone. i can't wait to see what the environment is like!
aw. i hope that lauren isn't too evil to eloise... she seems so fragile.
omg. i'm going to hate lauren so much. i can hear her voice in my head. it's just one of those voices that annoy the hell out of me. kudos.
(notice that my comments are getting shorter-your writing is def improving as it goes on. ])
"I didn't know if he was being genuine or if that was supposed to be a joke. I grinned nonetheless, and there was the hint of a smirk on Blake's face as well, before he turned and walked back down the hall." i like this little exchange here! it was like the light in the bad situation eloise found herself in. i'm glad she has a bit of a sense of humour.
lauren doesn't have a thing with blake. *bashes thick-headed girl*
i like the little exchange with neil and eloise later in the chapter. i think it was funny when he thought that she and blake were together-she certainly made it seem that way!
this chapter was a good one. i like seeing her at school.
*clicks the next button*
| runtransatlantic chapter 6 . 12/28/2010
it's so sad that his mother is driving him to drink. the poor boy.
i'm glad that he got to laugh though. i thought that was a nice touch. even if he's feeling so icky, he could laugh genuinely-it's something i think eloise needed to see. i feel like she should have been a little more stunned though.
"She turned to Philip Granville." this is one of the many times that you include their last names-i think that eloise should have dropped their last names after being introduced to them. our internal narratives rarely include first and last names so i think it's a little unnatural in writing from the first person point of view. i do like how you shorten it to just his last name a few paragraphs down though.
ahahaha. 'like puppies'. sorry, that has nothing to do with your writing-i'm taking ancient greek as a language in uni right now, and the ancient greeks have a saying. whenever someone is killed and there is a written account of it (espeically in war stories), the phrase usually goes something like this, "... and his brains flowed onto the stone ground like puppies." we have no idea where the 'like puppies' comes from, and it doesn't really make sense in the context in which it's written. so whenever i see that, i think of that and can't help but giggle to myself.
i think blake's late-night visit to her room is sweet. my best friend, who is male, used to sleep over at my house all the time, and if he wasn't in my room, he'd sneak in and talk to me for a while before sleeping. it's just a nice touch. makes it feel... real.
"It was almost surreal—having this heart-to-heart with Blake. We didn't generally do things like this." so far, you have painted blake and eloise to be enimes-at least, from her early inner dialog you have. so no, they would't do things like this. i think that when you edit, you should change her thoughts about him at the beginning, because they aren't really enimes. if anything, he just annoys her.
... who is michael? *is confused* did i just... miss the name before?
what are simps?
landon's words are so sweet. he is a lovely best friend!
i like this chapter. i think you revealed more about the characters in the way they responded to the different situations. it was all very believable, and i enjoyed the touches that reminded me of home.
*clicks the next button*