Reviews for The Order: Tale of Basil
KonataIzumi1 chapter 26 . 2/22/2011
The only sentence that i comprehended in this chapter was 'Thank you dear.' The rest of the words were incomprehensible due to my crazed fangirling. Please excuse the lack of a real review while I go think about the best fanfiction scenarios for the BasilxKasumi pairing.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 25 . 2/22/2011
Oh yes Daniel. There is a big difference between a big fricken sword and a big fricken gun and very big difference. Unless you have a big fricken gunblade. Then the two are the same, which is big fricken cool.

Oh but a big fricken gunwhipblade would be the coolest!

Ahem, yes well, off the topic of randomness.

No Way! Basil's losing? Well, I must admit, if he won too often he would become a Mary Sue and that's bad so this was a safe choice that would help you in both character and plot development. Wise move.

He won in the end. (Death is never an option for a main character) but he has tasted humility and the others have realized hes not really invincible. It makes Basil seem more human you know?

Ah Kasumi's such a tsundere yandere. Exactly like me in some ways XP
KonataIzumi1 chapter 24 . 2/22/2011
Ugh, my computer just ERASED MY REVIEW! Jeez, sometimes i hate this thing...

Anyway, awesome, humorous chapter! I got a bit confused towards the middle but I'm really just a stupid person so its okay.

I SAW VOCALOID NAMES! Not sure whether you know of VOCALOID but I felt the need to point that out.

Baz? This is why people that are named after spices can not be nicknamed.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 23 . 2/22/2011
John is SO your comical relief in your story. I swear, that dude would lighten up even the darkest of moods when he's in his 'Msd Scientist' mood. And Basil's monotone reaction just made me grin! Honestly, I can't get enough of that kid. Well I must see what goes on in the next chapter musn't I? The concept of John and female humanoids have perked my interest.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 22 . 2/22/2011
Yes! More KasumixBasil! One thing I just noticed about your writing. A bit more scenery description is needed on your part. I know that you can write a good description, just need to see that as the story progresses too.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 21 . 2/22/2011
Le gasp! Did I see a bit of BasilxKasumi in the beggining? I've missed this pairing. Honestly, I found myself thinking about the two randomly in math class one was kind of nice but odd at the same time. XD A bit of a filler chapter here I see. I did enjoy reading it though!
KonataIzumi1 chapter 20 . 1/17/2011
Poor poor Alissa...and Molly. Elaine's not really your fun, friendlike teacher is she?

New characters! New characters! The way your described the King made me think of Riku from Kingdom Hearts, oddly enough.

Oh, an evil monarchy. Queen Neige can't be married to King Glace without having some sort of spiteful personality.

Skipping a bit towards Novas Civitas, I must comment on how well your description of the place flowed. You gave your reader a bit of a background on this new area and included reasons why the city may be 'apple-apple-corn' instead of 'corn-corn-apple'.

A little fault that I noticed,

"No problem," the person said. "Hey wait, Basil!"

"Hmm?" Basil said, surprised to hear his name.

"It's me, Joseph, from school," Joseph said.

You used the word 'said' three times. A bit of variety would be useful. Instead of 'said', the words 'exclaimed', 'stated', maybe even 'declared' would be good for this bit.

Equivalent exchange huh?...Full Metal Alchemist FTW!

I wonder what's going to happen to the poor poor Alissa. And whether Basil's going to see that prick of a King again.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 19 . 1/17/2011
Another amazing chapter. Explainations were just fine. You were close to info dumping but managed to stay within your boundaries.

I didn't see any grammer or spelling mistakes but I may have missed one.

As for Basil, I think he's growing as a character. The new onslaught of people around him is probably making him more social. Character development is very important.

BasilxKasumi- The bit at the end was subject to my fangirlism. That's all I have to say.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 18 . 1/16/2011
Not very much to comment on since it was a bit shorter than the rest. The beggining was humorous but then there was a dramatic cliffy. I must say that the cliffhanger was well placed even though I have a bit of a loathing for them. This well positioned one is making me look forward to the next chapter, so I;m just going to end this review here and read on.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 17 . 1/16/2011
Kasumi! I'm kind of glad to hear about her but why would she go over to Basil's house to make chocolate?...Oh! *checks date* I see now. 'Kay then. Momentary confusion gone.

Hot damn Basil's got the goods. I would love to get a gift like that. Its sweet and cute and really... *coughs* Its a nice gift. (No need for me to go all girly on you)

Little Basil and his older self are almost totally different people! He's more social when he's younger! Talk about persona change...

*snickers* Kasumi's such a violent tsundere. Of course, I'm no better so I can't really be talking.

AWW! That ending was so CUTE! It gave me that lovely warm tingling feeling that I usually only get when drinking coffee! That's a wonderful thing since I do enjoy a cup every now and then.
KonataIzumi1 chapter 16 . 1/16/2011
ARGH! I BROKE MY PROMISE! I'm sorry! That's seriously inexcuseable. I'll make it up to you some how. I just need to figure out how.

Anyway, here's my review for chapter 16.

Ah, the joys of planning things. Even though I'm quite a 'Just Wing It and See How It Goes' type of person. I do admire the scenes where characters plan. (Probably because it almost always occurs during a training period)

'Once again' was used in the same sentence in paragraph 1 of 2:00 PM.

Quote: 'The cracks in the sky once again appeared overhead and when they spread far enough, the familiar sight of dozens upon dozens of creatures once again unfolded upon them.'

...Hmm, Basil the ninja is te first thing i think about when I read about his fighting style. Basil wouldn't be a Naruto. He's more of a Sasuke...But even Sasuke is a bit off target...Random thoughts aside. That was a good fight description that gave me, as your reader, an insight on Basil's fighting style. I do appreciate this because not many writer's do this. Most just say things like,

'He slammed him into a wall, smiling as his opponents bones gave a satisfactory crack'

instead of your beautifully written paragraph.

Ah so the mundane Danial and Molly have lost it. It's to be expected really. Since they aren;t really your main character they don;t have to be completely rational most of the time. You giving them odd reactions brought a sense of realism into your fictional story. A sense I am glad to find.

'Basil began to slide around on the icy paths he created in a random manner. The enemy tried to attack him but Basil's movements were often random and confusing.'

The word random was a bit reptitive.

XD Your last two sentences made me laugh. well, to chapter 17 I go. Hopefully, I'll reach 22 before 11:30
KonataIzumi1 chapter 15 . 1/15/2011
A chapter showing a different typical side of the hero Basil. It sounds fairly interesting so I won't skip it.

~Basil's Sunday~

I can relate to Basil on the topic of church even though I go to a Catholic school. Mass drags on forever. Honestly, how long does it take to say a prayer?

' On these walks, they never once conversed. The furthest conversation they had was asking each other how their day was.'

Felt the need to correct a minor mistake here. You used 'conversed' and 'conversation' within a 2 word radius of each other. It made me stop for a bit because I'm kind of picky about grammer. Using both words made it sound a bit redundant. I would suggest replacing conversed with another verb that means to speak.

'color to the quite Church'

Not sure whether I'm just stupid or if you meant to say quiet.

Basil's words seemed full of depth in one paragraph. Socrates would be proud. I agree whole heartedly with your character, Half-hearted statements occur way too much. Listening to someone that actually means what they say would be a nice change.

And so Basil's Sunday ends with that little bout of angst that I can't help but adore.

~Daniel's Sunday~

*laughs at alarm clock bit*

I don't wake up until around 10:00 on the weekends. Me and my alarm have parted ways a long time ago.

Hm. old man. i'm getting a sense of deja vu.

Well I suppose he should have been affected by his sudden jump into Basil's world. If he wasn't that would be quite (Dare I say it?) Mary-sue like of him.

~Molly's Sunday~

...And I thought Daniel was messed up. Molly's going to need therapy at this rate.

'Molly assured her friend.

"You want to talk about it?" Mary asked, concerned about her friend.'

You should cut out her friend after the 'Molly assured'.

Ah, comrades, always giving you that boatload of inspiration you need after they spontaneously contact you.

~Kasumi's Sunday~

Nothing beats telling you that you need to convert than God sending druken idiots to burn down your church.

Dear Mother wishes to see Basil?

Why, that simply won't do! But, hot damn, she nearly was right on target with Basil's job. Mother's intuition scares me sometimes...

Ah, that little BasilxKasumi bit made me sigh adoringly. Young love that involves monsters and the like is absolutely lolvely.

Okay, closer to my goal of catching up with you for reviews. I'll read the next chapter before the end of the day. I may not get far because of my parents little meeting with my aunts and uncles but I'll try my best.
Stardrag chapter 5 . 12/14/2010
Oh, wonderfull world of anime...a pervert is always needed to go on, is it not? I liked all the characters you introduced, but I guess complaining about the info dumping won't do any good right? Oh, you're still rewriting this story, correct?

Anyways, some of the sentences didn't flow right like when you introduced the twins and there was a comma before "no" instead of after it, so the pause felt off. So just read them aloud, check over get the picture.

Now, I liked the order, but I don't get why you assign lower letters to different classes of people. If the classes are completely unrelated, then why grade them? I think it should be more of individual classes (like what each did by the way) with letter ranks within. Like a Smith who's A class, or a Warrior that's E class. Sounds a little off when moving up in classes when each class moved up to has almost nothing to do with what comes after it and before it.

Stardrag chapter 4 . 12/14/2010
Okay, so I forgot to leave reviews for allot of your chapters, I'm actually on chapter sixteen...sorry. It's just, there's no excuse, I'm just sorry.

Well, now that I've said that, I want to ask the question, do the dolls wake by themselves or do they need the key to wind them up? Because alissa staying quiet in order to wake them up whouldn't make much sense unless they could get up by themselves...and how do that one girls eyes work? Since your using sience and all.

Questions aside, I think you asked me to lay back on the grammar attacks. The way you wrote it felt calm and surreal, but at the same time felt like a list. Maybe add some prose (lol word porn...if you get the joke) to spice it up. Still, since nothing major happened, I guess its cool. See, I think you have a problem, don't take it seriously, with what goes in a chapter. Some things need to be woven into the story and flow, but your story feels a bit like it's in parts. God, stable parts though slightly seperated.

Overall, a cool, where my god killing fight scense and magic! Speaking on magic, nice little chunks of stuff about the runes were nice. So he writes them in chalk around the house to keep people form noticing it? Nice.

Heart of The Tainted chapter 7 . 12/5/2010
Bringing up the rules reminded me, why would being hellbent on taking over the human's realm bother to follow "rules?" Doesn't make sense. It would be like the yoma in Claymore deciding to follow rules. That would emply not all remnants are evil and could work for the order if they were willing.

make sure you watch the third person narration. sounds like a person narrating which it isn't. Omnipresent 3rd POV, needs to sound definitive.
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