|Reviews for Under The Setting Sun|
| xenolith chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
Aw, hun, this is so sad. So sorry to hear about your grandmother. But I can tell from this piece how you felt, you conveyed that really well. I liked the part about the wind drying the tears, and the part with James was very poignant as well. A couple issues with misplaced commas and typos, but otherwise, nice work.
| BloomingFlower-asn chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
I'm really sorry about your grandmother. You guys most have been really close. Don't worry! She is now with God. Other than that, great story. I agree with you. I would also love to believe that no matter how bad things are, God would always be there for you.
* asn *
| GiygasV chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
I found this piece very sweet and nice. You can really tell that it began as a poem.
I noticed that you use a lot of imagery. The only "advice" that I can give you is to try to use as much original and diverse expressions as possible; It makes things much more enjoyable to read. For example, you wrote: "the color slowly drains from the sky". "Drains" is an interesting word choice and it describes the scene (in my mind at least) perfectly. Just try to be as unique as possible and give a twist to used expressions.
Anyway, great job. It was pretty.
There's a little typo at the end. You wrote "Got" instead of
God." It's on the last line after the piece.
| HitchSlap chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
Comforting and timeless. I think this piece speaks to all of us. We take solace in the world around us, the beauty that calms us and lets us know that life will go on.
Some of your descriptive phrases are truly beautiful. Particularly the paragraph about the "colors slowly draining from the sky... stars like broken glass" was refreshing to read. Other phrases, such as the "wonderful masterpiece on canvass" seem a bit hollow to me.
It didn't bother me one bit to read the description of James' clothes, which was brief and to the point. I think age of both characters is important, because grief is different for different ages. My only suggestion would be to cut the last line- I think it goes without saying that they sought silent comfort in one another's presence.
All in all, an enjoyable piece. It really struck a cord. Well done.
| CuriousContradiction chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Aw, I think this was a very pretty, poignant scene. The only thing is that I think you could focus more on the moment rather than the little details. Do we need to know what they're wearing? Do we need to know their ages? I don't think so. Not for this scene anyways. It just distracts. Otherwise, I think you did a great job on this. It's comfortable and reminded me of how I felt when my grandpa died. I'm sorry about your grandma, but I'm sure she'd be very, very proud of you for writing such a lovely piece. :)
| Chariline chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
Aw! Sweet but sad. :)