Reviews for Untitled
Fractured Illusion chapter 14 . 9/4/2009
"** Text turns illegible and is stained with what appear to be tears."

T_T OMG narrator is gonna die, she gonna die...

I can't believe she is locked in. Can't the police come and check on her? her friends? Oh I really hope it is just a person... You can't really kill ghosts..
Fractured Illusion chapter 13 . 9/4/2009
"my self"


"whatever is what"


You haven't really had any spelling errors before so I assumed these were accidental.

"*It is unknown when the author made this entry,"

aw shit, she really is dead in the future, isn't she? ;_; Cuz otherwise they could just ask her...

Fractured Illusion chapter 12 . 9/4/2009
"Toby's ears were right on top of my food."

:x Gross!

"Toby's entrails were spreat across my doorstep."

Double gross, holy shit, her stalker or whatever must be some real psycho.

Glad to see the horror-horror is back in the story! I missed it XD This did not disappoint.

I'm glad the cops are involved now, it'd be strange if they weren't.

Fractured Illusion chapter 11 . 9/4/2009
Yes, creepy stuff are coming back, yes? :D
Fractured Illusion chapter 10 . 9/4/2009
"*The page appears to have been stabbed with the pen."


Notes like these also work swell for showing (not telling) how Narrator is feeling. Well done with that!

And I must say, yay for such a long chapter!

"She wanted to see the log. I was reluctant, but I gave it to her. She read it with raised eyebrows."

HAHA! XD Oh, Narrator's pain never ends

"Does it count if I wanted it?


Then no."


But on a serious note, I appreciate the insight to Narrator's past. Makes her feel even more real, and you know, likable.

Good pacing so far!

Fractured Illusion chapter 9 . 9/4/2009

I can just hear the Jaws soundtrack in the background XD Haha
Fractured Illusion chapter 8 . 9/4/2009
Haha, oh you lovely Narrator you :p
Fractured Illusion chapter 7 . 9/4/2009
"So far today had been incredibly boring. I hope it keeps up."

haha XD I like narrator's dry manner.

I hope she doesn't die :x
Fractured Illusion chapter 6 . 9/4/2009
"*The bottom half of the page is missing. The information that might have been contained on it had been lost"

This is really making me think the government has her journal or something and are evaluating it :x Good job at being so ambiguous about it. Not knowing is good when it comes to horror XD

Argh, the tape went missing D Well at least for now we are put off from the truth, which can be a bit relaxing haha.

I wonder what Narrator's name is...

"… Right?"

Nice addition of showing she has selfdoubt. Shows perfectly.

Fractured Illusion chapter 5 . 9/4/2009
Most intense chapter so far! The idea of her trying to capture whatever it is with the camera freaks me out too :x I hope it's just a human... can you fight it?

"When I woke up in the morning, the light was out."

Excellent line. I like how you just needed to state a fact to make the reader realize this is serious business.

Poor Narrator, she probably feels like she is going insane or something, what with the therapy session scheduled...

Fractured Illusion chapter 4 . 9/4/2009
"*The script becomes ineligible."

I love these little details, they are sort of humorous XD

And damn at Toby's fate :x I'd be spooked if I was her too. You, continuously adding these little instances of fear and suspicion, are doing a good job at creating the mood.

Fractured Illusion chapter 3 . 9/4/2009
Hmm...main character/Narrator seems like quite a detached lady. I dunno, but I like it. She's not like the stereotypical freak-out, screaming bimbo horror likes to supply XD

"Also noticed my grammar improves when I’m nervous. Not by much, though."

Ahaha, how amusing XD She doesn't write a lot but she is still managing to make it interesting.

And dayum, the TV now too? I wonder what all this due to because I have no clue (well...other than regular ghosts I guess?). Exciting! :)

Fractured Illusion chapter 2 . 9/4/2009
Oh wow, it's a female narrator? :O I never woulda guessed!

I wonder what sets off these bad feelings...
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
his review is coming to you from the Review Game's Review Marathon! Link in my profile.

So far so good. I like the different type of format, I guess you could say, which you use. we're completely relient on his perception here, and there is lotsa room for him to be an unreliable narrator.

the cat thing - ooh i sense deadness XD

"Power went out in the evening. Fucking afraid of the dark. No candles. FML."

Haha, FML eh? :p But on a serious note, since I assume this isn't supposed to be funny, maybe remove the FML? He had a job which makesm e think he is at least an adult, and FMLing seems like something teenagers do.

I Am The Masquerade chapter 18 . 9/3/2009
Can't wait for the next chapter.
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