Reviews for Naked Winter
Musickk Darling chapter 10 . 10/17/2009

I adore the subtle alliteration.
Musickk Darling chapter 7 . 10/17/2009
Wow, now I loved this one.

The use of the verbs "pulses" and "tingles"

really brings the entire piece to life for me.
Musickk Darling chapter 6 . 10/17/2009
I don't typically like haikus because they feel too brief for me, but this one was very well done. The three lines form a complete thought process, and I really like that.

My favorite description would have to be "burnished red"

because you don't hear the word burnished that often.

I shall continue to peruse through your collection, now :)
simpleplan13 chapter 10 . 9/4/2009
I like the piece as a piece. I think the ending was a great description as was the middle line. However, the line breaks seem to disrupt the flow so as a haiku the syllables seemed a bit forced.

Anyhow this was a great collection. I hope to read more!

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).
simpleplan13 chapter 9 . 9/4/2009
I liked the split of a halo. Putting it on a separate line creates a nice flow. The Captured my mouth line confused me though. I couldn't figure out what captured your mouth. The sun? Her hair? Her halo? It was confusing that you meant her mouth since that was never mentioned. I liked the last line too, though the phrase is cliched it works well there.
simpleplan13 chapter 8 . 9/4/2009
I like how the title adds to the piece. Without it there's no context for the she. I don't like 'round. Slang in haikus seems like it's just a syllable issue, especially since the rest of the piece is sophisticated sounding. I love the phrase "cloak of the universe" that's a really great description. Also, the iamge of her wrapping around herself is great.
simpleplan13 chapter 7 . 9/4/2009
I really liked that first line. I think all those choices are great. It really starts the piece well. I like how the reader doesn't know what the spark is, leaving things up to our imagination. The last line slightly confused me because I couldn't tell if you meant tingles as a verb or noun.
simpleplan13 chapter 6 . 9/4/2009
I didn't like the repetition of from in the first two lines. In a haiku repeating words is really tricking 'cause there are so few words to being with.

I really like burnished, that was a great way to describe red and I also liked how it paralleled bright starting with a b.

I also think the title is a really great and I think you described it really well.
simpleplan13 chapter 5 . 9/4/2009
I didn't get the last line here. I don't understand why the word Circle is capitalized. Or what is being weaved?

I did like the first two lines though. I think those word choices and descriptions were really beautiful and powerful. I especially liked the alliteration split between the first and second line. That was an interesting touch.
simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 9/4/2009
This is my least favorite so far.

In the first line, the word skin makes the line slightly interesting, but other than that it's a cliche line I've read many times before.

In the second line the syllable count is wrong. Fragility is 4 syllables making it 8 syllables total. Also, if you meant they are ripped out you need the word of. Maybe, you meant their ripped out fragility?

The alliteration in the last line is well done. I also like the word showers because it's a play on spring showers bringing flowers. That was probably my favorite line.
simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 9/4/2009
I love that last line, it's an interesting idea the moon and the wolf being sisters. Something I haven't heard of, but makes complete sense. However, it seemed odd that you called the moon mother and then changed to sister. I did like your word choices pierce, gaze, long and core. They worked really well with the piece.
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 9/4/2009
I like the first line. The word choice howling is nice. I also like the alliteration in that first line. As I said in the last one I like using multiple sentences in haikus. However, the last line seemed to be in a odd tense just to fit the syllable count. I felt like it should've been keeping. Otherwise who is the statement directed towards?
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
I liked this. I think the descriptions were great. The use of the word naked was really interesting. I also like ho used two sentences and a longer word like darkening since haikus typically use smaller words and one sentence. In the last line however, I think a comma between drifts and frozen is needed.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).
Immortal Butterfly chapter 2 . 8/24/2009
What secrets do you imagine the oak has to keep?
Immortal Butterfly chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
Very nice. I could see the lonely and desolate side of winter.
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