|Reviews for Middle School Drama|
| xNightDx chapter 8 . 12/28/2010
I love it! Keep Updating!
| 22writer chapter 8 . 12/28/2010
its a cute story...sorry, but how could any1 b on team colin? u've given us no reason at all to like him...we hardly kno anything about him! its a little unrealistic but its interesting
| birdkid chapter 7 . 9/20/2009
"“Good idea! It’s perfect for a date! Sappy, Lovey-dovey, Sad, and Dramatic,” SHE listed. “Titanic it is.” I looked over to the pew on my right, (Julie was on my left), and there was Colin. Staring right at me. This oughta be fun!"
Let us ask ourselves a question. do boys say awesomE? with an exclamation point? NO! they say, "that's hot", or "okay", or "sick", or "whatever" but NOT awesome! *preaches*
:P :P :P still cute story!
| birdkid chapter 5 . 9/20/2009
i think you need help understanding the male brain... *laughs*
omg i just KILLeD myself laughing! lmao!
but good story
| birdkid chapter 3 . 9/20/2009
dun dun dun
hey, hun, i'd totally love to help you with editing your quotations! thats like, my specialty! no offense, buts yours are cheesy... critisism? always good my friend. learn to love it.
| birdkid chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
WHOAH holy smoley! like, bam bam BAM! good cheesy crap hits all at ONCE... something bad is gonna happen. i can smell it... onto next chappy...
| jkem chapter 7 . 9/20/2009
great love it! it's julie again! thanks for putting me back in the story. and by the way i can whisper if i want too! anyway you better get out of the hospital before i steal kole from you. JK JK JK JK JK JK SERIOUSLY JK! But that would make a cool next chapter! THE BETRAYAL! It works and in the end you find out that their just planning a welcome home party for you!think it over! so bye bye!
| tinechris chapter 6 . 9/17/2009
this wasnt my fav. but still good!
the dialouge isnt all that unrealistic, but could be better...
| tinechris chapter 5 . 9/17/2009
a little more detail def.
but a very good chappie anyways[:
| Koki Enwai chapter 5 . 8/24/2009
Teresa and Kole's interaction here was very unrealistic. Same thing with her parents there cooing over watching said interaction.
Also, chicken doesn't really have carbs. The bad carbs aren't found in proteins, really. They're more in breads and pasta and such.
Colin's sudden appearance at the end was, well, sudden. His dialogue, again, seem unnatural. I can understand what you're going for in this story, I really can, but there are more believable ways of writing the conversations. Try listening to the conversations of people around you. Listen to how they talk, and try to incorporate it into your own writing. Or, just try reading the dialogue in this story aloud to yourself. Find the spots where it sounds unnatural and awkward, and fix it.
Anyway, it looks like you've got a pretty good premise so far, but little errors such as dialogue and characterization are bogging it down a bit. I have no doubt that you could easily turn this into an amazing story, and I hope I get to see that claim to fruition.
Good luck with your writing in the future! And God bless!
| Koki Enwai chapter 4 . 8/24/2009
Eh? So now she's got another guy that likes her? Seriously? Honestly, I haven't seen what's so great about Teresa that she's got the guys just flocking to her. . . She seems a bit flat as a character so far. Hm. Maybe you'll use the love triangle to help flesh her (and the rest of the characters) out a bit more.
Good chapter though. I like how it furthered the plot a bit. Having Colin toss his hat into the ring was a nice touch.
| Koki Enwai chapter 3 . 8/24/2009
Oh, seriously? The nurse made a mistake and now she only has to stay there for two days? That's still two days too long! lol
Again, the dialogue seemed unnatural. And what's this about the school burning down?
You left off on a cliffhanger though, so that might be interesting.
Good luck with your writing. :)
| Koki Enwai chapter 2 . 8/24/2009
They really took her to the hospital because she fainted? Why? That's a bit, er, weird. And she has to stay for two weeks? "Just for protocol"? lol Okay, I can tell you right now that that's not how it works.
Aside from that, the characters themselves were a bit weird here. I guess it was the dialogue more than anything. Reading this, it doesn't really sound like teenagers talking. Everything seems kind of forced and like they're reading from a script.
I still like the idea though. And you've definitely got the potential to turn this into something great.
| Koki Enwai chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
Er, she fainted? Really? Wow. That's quite a reaction.
So far, it seems a little rushed and the dialogue itself doesn't pass as being very realistic, but this is just the first chapter, and those can be mega-pains in the you-know-what, so I'm betting the next chapter would be a better place to judge.
| tinechris chapter 4 . 8/22/2009
i like the bad guys[:
jus lik im on team emmett and team zuko[: