This is awesome!

Update soon!

-Lain

I don't have much to say about this chapter, I actually read it yesterday lol. The editing was much better! I am sure that there are some mistakes, but I didn't see any that made me cry

)

I still love it. Even though there wasn't really anything about the case or the past, I still think it was enlightening and riveting as usual. Keep up the good work, I can't wait until the next chapter! And I apologize again for the lack of information I'm giving you in this review, I'll do better next time! Promise.

i love it!

Really great chapter. They're really sweet and I also really like the guy from that fast food store. But make sure to separate between "your" and "you're" because it doesn't seem like you're using the latter. Remember that when it stands for "you are" you have to have the apostrophe "re" Sorry to sound nitpicky but I really like this story and it's the kind of thing that would make it so much better to read for me.

Anyway, update soon! The length was really nice (it took me a long time to read it!) but I think I'd rather have like half the chapter in half the time, you know? But whatever you like to do. You're the author.

Thanks for the mention lol.

You did misuse the word "there" a few times. You meant to use 'their'.

"I don't want to get into to(o) must more detail..."

"Okay, but don't get to(o) bored." Looks like you have a new problem lol.

"Well, I can(')t just sit here..."

"Hmm, maybe I was dragging it on to(o) long, but...this is fun!" though, I do agree with that statement, I do the same thing with my fiance haha. He's gotta work for some action.

"No! I can(')t dance, I told you..."

The "*" after "If I'd only known what he would become to me later on..." is unnecessary and disruptive. It totally broke up my mood!

"I felt so safe while we dance(d)..." I'm absolutely loving this by the way...it's the sweetest thing ever! And I love all the hinting with stuff like, "It may have very well been romantic if we weren't children."

OMG. Poor Cassedie! I love her to death, at first I thought that she had told Tommy to befriend Haden! Sad that that had to happen, but it is a good twist to the plot. I love it all! Update soon! And good job editing!

Transgender is actually when someone feels they were born in the wrong gendered body, an example being Haden.

Transexual is when you are born with both female and male parts.

Tranny can refer to either, I believe.

Am I supposed to like Alvin? Hehe.

He's quite amusing... his impatience makes me laugh.

I didn't quite like Tommy at first... not sure why, but he's growing on me now. Haden is still a lovely little bundle.

I love the character development in this though. It's not all thrown in your face at once as it is with some other authors (I'm probably a bit of a culprit there), but it's not too slow that it's not noticeable. It's just right.

The switch between the story and the biography posts is nice as well. It flows really well, and I don't think I've seen anything like it before. o Great work so far.

I love it still and I'm totally wrapped up in it. I didn't pick things out this time, but that doesn't mean there weren't errors. I just feel bad when I do that, so I couldn't do three in one night! Update soon!

"My mom was a beautiful (woman)."

Apostrophes apostrophes apostrophes! It totally distracts and take me out of the mood that you are setting so wonderfully!

"...what I had told (Randy) earlier."

"...what he lies about. In his testimony, because honestly, it doesn't make sense." The period should be after testimony. It doesn't make sense where it is now.

"You gotta do that to(o)."

Multiple time you say "there" instead of "they're". Again, ruining the awesome that is this story.

"Randy's (quiet) and stares at me..."

Triumphant, not triumphet. Trust spell check.

"(Our) plane leaves in an hour." I think you are a great writer, but seriously. Edit. Or get a friend to edit for you.

"The one had onblonde hair..." typo.

"...cutting of(f) just above the knees."

I love the part where Tommy gets the dress for Haden! I still love this story. I just point out the things that bother me. Please don't take offense to any of it. I think you are a brilliant writer.

You spelled dying with an e.

"So does Tommy, even if he does(n')t want to, I make him."

Don't forget apostrophes. For instance I'm and o'clock and it's(when proper). It's unprofessional and detracts from the story if you have incorrect grammar. Spell numbers. That's lazy and again it detracts from the story.

"I don't acknowledge his la(s)t statement, to(o)..."

No commas between "little adorable manipulator".

Basketball is one word.

"...almost forgetting who('s) waiting for me outside."

"My body('s) hot..." you don't mean plural.

Despite all my above comments, I think that the story is fantastic! I am excited to read the next two chapters...

Teehee its so cute! Also the picture of your rats, very cute. Very well writin cant wait for more

So far, this has been so beautiful. o

The characters are fantastic! Especially Haden. I really do feel sorry for him. He strikes me as being innocent and I just want to hug him.

Please keep it up!

I'd love to see where this goes.