Reviews for chase
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
The last three lines in the first stanza were awkward sounding to me. How can a person never be a place? Or did you mean they'd never get to the place? It just sounded weird.

Also, I wasn't sure why you didn't punctuate the last stanza since you did the first one.

I did like the piece though. The whole spray cans thing was interesting. Definitely not something I've read before.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).
tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 8/30/2009
This is beautiful. Powerful message, powerful images.

I would love for you to review some of my work; it would mean a lot to me.
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
As I looked at the bats swirling

In the cone of light thrown upwards

By the landing tower's high-powered beams

Into the misty evening's gloom,—

I did not realize that at the core

Of our galaxy there's a black hole.

Those thirty meters from the ground

Did however seem like an infinity to me:

Earth-bound, awaiting for a flight,—

For those directing structures sent

Large gray birds with whining

Powerful engines Eastwards,—

To Kandahar and other very ancient

Places, where many others have struggled,—

Places, I would no longer go towards.

To those forbidden places.

In his desert camouflage an armorer

Wheeled a locked cage full of infantry

Weapons into a stainless steel sheathed

Elevator that led him to his awaiting plane.

I thought of swooping bats chasing dazzled

Insects,— and wondered what and how and why

We were flitting from darkness to light.
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
I really like the idea that the spray cans are chasing the children - it’s really a strong sentence in and of itself - it makes me think that mischief is chasing it’s victims, and no matter how ‘good’ you are it will find you and turn you ’bad’. It kind of plays into the idea that we all start off nice, but something naughty will eventually discover us (no matter how hard we hide.) Great job with this, keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.