Reviews for Her First Words
Patchwork chapter 8 . 11/12/2009
I really like this story! Ritsuko's awesome.

You can definitely improve with grammar, though. You keep changing between past tense(did, went, changed, ran, etc..) and present tense(do, go, change, run, etc..). And some sentences are choppy. Example:

"And to my relief, only 5 minutes left before the game ended, until then all of us need to just hold on, somehow."

This should be written like:

"And to my relief, there were only 5 minutes left before the game ended. Until then, all of us needed to just hold on somehow."

It's complicated to figure out sometimes(Especially if English is your second language), so try getting a Beta Reader maybe? That'll help loads.

Other than that, it's a really good story. I look forward to more chapters!
eaststar chapter 8 . 11/10/2009
You make my school sound like heaven :) I'm having fun reading this. But you might was to look over your story a bit more. Like for example; "I look as if I’ve just survive after being lost in a jungle for weeks" It should say "I've just survived" and "I looked" rather than "I've just survive" and "I look." But you did very well for someone who has English as a second language. I hope you write the next chapter soon!
eaststar chapter 7 . 10/8/2009
This really took me in from the beginning! I'm looking forward to your next chapter!
Traffic-in-my-Head chapter 5 . 10/6/2009
*Girly scream* i love this chapter its so cute


Love your work , i mean seriously! people need to review more on this story!

Its ace!

Makia-chan chapter 5 . 10/6/2009
yayy another lovely chapter w

can't wait for another one

*jumps around happily*

Thnks ;3

and good day
Makia-chan chapter 4 . 10/4/2009
You do not know how much i appreciate you writting this its so god!

its like a light lemon cake

sweet but not too heavy, gives a punch, and light as a feather

(forgive me for my cake reference I'm a cakeaholic;)


(runs off to the nearest art store)

*screaming off in the distance*


Makia-chan ;3
Traffic-in-my-Head chapter 4 . 9/24/2009

you updated!

thank you, i love this chapter!

keep up the good work :)
Jamie chapter 3 . 9/1/2009
*gasp* cliffhanger! update soon.
Traffic-in-my-Head chapter 3 . 8/29/2009
yeah! thanks you for updating :P

keep up the good work
Traffic-in-my-Head chapter 2 . 8/29/2009
This really good XD

(And funny)

keep up the good work

and i hope you udate soon

ritsuki497 chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
This is amazing! I am screaming my head off inside my brain wanting more and more. This is a great story! I simply love the main character!

Please continue.
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