|Reviews for A Cry in the Dark|
| taerkitty chapter 1 . 3/6/2010
Summary: Good. Gives me an idea what to expect. It may not match with what's inside, but the point is that I have a well-formed idea. Sounds confident, which is good. Too many of them are "Uh, I'm not sure you'll like this." Next!
Meter feels forced. I'm not saying it's bad, and I know it's not easy, but it feels like the meter is interfering with the actual content.
I'd leave out the footnote. "A world that is so stark" is fine as a rhyme for 'dark.' Calling out that it was hard to find pulls the focus away from the work and onto the author.
Rhyme is ... well, it's prominent. I'm not sure .. it could be that I'm just not used to so formal a structure, but for me, the point of any writing is to convey the message. I find that time spent on the format seems ill-spent compared to being spent on the work itself.
Overall, I like it. It's a snapshot, an instance of introspection. It verges on self-pity, which isn't a great thing, but angst is a close neighbor to self-pity no matter what. Again, the litmus test is where the focus lies: self-pity focuses on the author, while angst is inherent in the work itself. Successful angst grows that same feeling in the reader, either by unearthing memories of a similar situation, or by encouraging the reader to 'dive into' the work and experience that sad or sinking feeling for hirself.
| Ninja Chick chapter 1 . 2/22/2010
Wow... great job
| sealednectar chapter 1 . 2/2/2010
A great poem. I liked it. Favourite lines:'The beginning’s like the end./Different, but always the same.'
| brosandi chapter 1 . 1/31/2010
The emotion you've managed to convey in this poem is really incredible. I got chills on the last stanza. I love the way you use punctuation. It really adds to the effect of the work. I can't find anything that I dislike about this!
Excellent writing, keep it up. )
| FelleLLoyd chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
Beautiful. Like the rhythm.
| Agent.Frappuccino chapter 1 . 12/1/2009
Once again, you never fail to amaze me lol. I really like the rhyming scheme, but I quirked a brow when I read "stark" because I don't quite no what it means lol. You put that little star on it so I scrolled down to see if you added a definition or something, but lol. Again with the little side notes haha. I really liked the first stanza, a great hook if I do say so myself. It's short, to the point, very nicely done. You're awesome Mystic :)
| Vanyalli chapter 1 . 11/25/2009
So beautiful! It's a helpless picture of life painted so well on the canvas of HTML. Very good job :D
P.S. Thanks for the review on my poem-
| Angsty Bohemian chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
Wonderful! It flowed well, great word choice, it was vague enough to be poetic but not so muich that people don't understand it, and it was generally well writen. It was also deep and relatable. Also, the angst and tragidy factor to this was well played out; not way to over-dramitic. I loved this bit, "The beginning’s like the end. Different, but always the same." the best, althought the entrie poem was great. XD
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
Haha, your ending author's note made me laugh but it's so true. I liked the direction of this poem, vague and mysterious, yet full of angst. Most of the lines flowed well, but there were a few that I stumbled over due to irregular pacing. Other than that, I commend you on a fully functioning brain at 4am... O_o
Pay it forward!
| K-M-Bloomy chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
wow, thats really good
| katietheunicorn chapter 1 . 8/29/2009
Very very deep, this is one of the best written poems I have ever read on here. Excellent, I just don't have any idea what else to say, lol. Please write more material, you have so much potential. :D
| ADSpencer chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
Heehee, sorry, I was laughing at your end notes.
Nice poem. Very enjoyable read. I especially liked this stanza:
Don’t look my way
I’m just passing through
Don’t ask me where I’m heading
For I have no clue
Something about it just seemed right, the pacing, the voice. I just liked it :)
Nicely done, a good universal feeling of going through the motions and fading away at the end there.
| BaxterB chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
The form on this poem is great. The short little paragraphs (are they called stanzas?) looks great, and your word choice is really good. I do feel that it's a bit typical sounding for a poem, but that isn't much of a flaw. Good job.
| lymli chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
it's right, one must live as they want..