Reviews for Depraved
six23 chapter 1 . 11/3/2010
Interesting, but it needs fleshing out, which I assume you already know without my input. The last two lines are by far my favorite; they're so striking and telling without a loss of subtlety.

Do you think Elaine comes off as too precise, too planned, or is that intentional, because her dialogue goes past stuffy and towards canned maternal old-woman sayings.

But there are moments of reality in the story that are almost too instinctual: the click of her black heels, the faux marble countertop, the skirt table, (a truth I've never seen communicated in anyone else's writing), Martin almost stepping on the darkened cat.

It's these truth moments that make me want the next chapter, more so than even the intriguing thought of sociopathy and loss of identity.

Good job.(!)(?) I'm terrible at reviews, so pick whichever grammatical mark works for you and go with it.
RainSprite chapter 1 . 8/30/2009
oh, this is a good start! I'm already wanting to read more.

Martin seems to be a good kid. however, since he had those types of thoughts, I'm not sure if that's going to change in some way. Especially since he himself doesn't know what's happening to him. So I'll be looking forward to more character development in future chapters.

I've also come to like the mother's character. By the looks of it, she's the annoying type of mother, but I believe she's quite concerned about her son and can't help but act the way she does. I like how during the whole chapter, there was that mother-son interaction. I'm not sure if she'll be there in later chapters, but I wouldn't mind it if she was.

Good job with the chapter :)