|Reviews for Devotion|
| Agent.Frappuccino chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
I seriously believe that you should start writing chapter stories. You have so much potential and you just make me crave for more. But once I see that it's a one-shot story, I feel bad because it's the end, you know what i'm saying? You have the talent, and I think you can express it through chapter stories! I will gobble them up i swear! XD
At the very beginning it was obvious that she really admired this boy. Your description of him was flawless because He is devine. I liked how you let him mimic an aura of an angel, which had great symmetry to the belief's of Korbin. I know that most of your stories have a Christian influence, and i think that's great. However, for this story I felt it was a little daunting because High School kids don't really think like that. But you know what I love about it? It felt as if it were not just a short story, but a poem as well. I love your chameleon ways of transitioning poem to story and vice versa. You're very talented
| Isca chapter 1 . 9/2/2009
"Lapis lazuli eyes." I really liked this description. It was a 'hook' in the opening of the story that made me want to read onwards. Of course, the Latin phrase itself and the 'l' alliteration were added bonuses.
"With that, she flicked the lighter in her hand and set the debris around her alight.'It’s all for you.'" Good Lord. Nice plot twist. I absolutely adore this ending - it's both heart-wrenching and mind-blowing. Korban's "final act of devotion" is powerful because it cements her loyalty and love for this man-she's fiercely loyal. I like that she's a woman of honour.
(The Review Game - Stories - Easy Fix)
| Maggie Fallon chapter 1 . 9/2/2009
well this is a very deep intense story.
I guess it kinda has to be...
but it is very well written, and a perfect length, considering the ending.
very nice job.
| When Eden Burns chapter 1 . 8/30/2009
You've definitely got real potential with this piece. And god knows you can write better than 90% of the people here on fiction press (I've been looking for a while for something that didn't lose me two sentences in).
I really like the blend of teenage high school emotion and religion. It feels very poetic and metaphoric. There are a lot of things one could get out of this story. The pacing feels very well done. It's short, but it doesn't feel too short.
I think the only thing I'd complain about is some of the description feels a little dull. I'd like to feel the dirt of the leaves as she's ready to sacrafice herself, feel the shivers as the cold gasoline or whatever it is hits her skin. Smell it too.
But beyond that, I really, really liked this. I'm definitely subscribing to you.