Reviews for Lovely
Star the Foxhound chapter 1 . 11/23/2009
Dear Writingbythepower,

I am going to call you Power since we are a fan of nicknames over at the Civil War RPG. My name is General Star and I am the admin of the forum. It is much to the excitement of my fellow Rpers and I to recieve your request to join our forum. This may seem like a strange way to reply to the said request, but I didn't see the PM link on your profile and so had no other way to contact you.

You are warmly welcomed into all of the forums, and we all will be delighted to have you for new Rpers, like I said earlier always excite us. I believe I can safely say that for all of us, the RP has become like a second family. Please come over and say hello in our off topic when you get the chance, and you may start putting together a character. I look forward to getting to know you in the feature.

Star
FALLEN101 chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
Lovely little story you've got here, although the idea has been used a couple of times, the shortness and bluntness you gave it added to it. I enjoyed it, at least.

Just a couple of things though, while your language was nicely written it sort of bothers me that a man who uses terms like, 'ya know' and 'c'mon' would also use terms like enveloping, relentlessly, conniving, and such, in everyday sentences. I mean, it's not terrible it's just sort of, what's the word, strange. It kind of sits in the background itching at your head. Not that you have to change it, just something to think about.

Also, the whole main character could've used a bit more development when he decides to kill the girl. Although it makes sense, it feels a little bit rushed as well. Once again, just a suggestion.

Besides those little things, it was a terrific story. With this you strike at a tender spot in all of us, the monster in all of us. I mean who hasn't watched the girl get away, falling for some other guy we don't even know? Who hasn't thought about setting the guy up to force a break up? No one truly thinks about killing someone but I'm sure it's been in the back of every persons head at least once. The way you take these everyday things and turn them sinister was terrific.

Wonderful, and I look forward to seeing more things from you.