Reviews for he smiled like autumn
andrealiz chapter 3 . 7/5/2010
Beautiful collection. Your word choice is so delicate yet so passionate. I love it.
DreamingEternal chapter 1 . 2/2/2010
what effective use of metaphor! "honeysuckle lips" and "stinging candle legs" sound beutiful, poetic, and sophisticated.

"i want the fire to consume us" - a very powerful ending. It rings in your mind even after you finish reading, painting a picture of desire, a couple in the fresh spring of love.
VELVETxKISSES chapter 1 . 9/25/2009
Love this.
for shame chapter 1 . 9/11/2009
"figurative dawn peers through our window".

that line just hit me - hard.


Isca chapter 3 . 9/9/2009
"What a dying pair we made." This is a wondrous little line. I like the idea that 'dying' (autumn) can be just as beautiful as 'living' (spring). :)
Isca chapter 2 . 9/9/2009
I like the ending. The idea that the speaker wants the wind, as well as the music from the chimes, to carry her away to another life is very moving and profound. I like the connection between the first and second stanza through the words 'see' and 'melancholy,' too. :)
Isca chapter 1 . 9/9/2009
"Ocean sands spill." M. yes, the 's' sound here is lovely.

"Honeysuckle lips." How sweet. ;)

I like your use of the word 'disembowels' in the first stanza.

"Fugitive dawn." Whoa. Brilliant descriptive imagery. I also like the way in which the word 'dawn' subtly rhymes with the word 'long' in the previous line-it makes this section flow really well.
Little girl Big world chapter 3 . 9/6/2009
i like how you described somethings as sweet and beautiful and other things as sad and hurtful. like the lines, "summer tastes like lemonade and pomegranate,

late nights and tears and salty regrets."

great job!

i'll add this collection to my favorites :)
Little girl Big world chapter 2 . 9/6/2009
i can relate to the last two stanzas right now. i love the line, "and my hands tremble within my pockets"

well written.
Little girl Big world chapter 1 . 9/6/2009
great imagery in this, a wonderful poem.
simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 9/5/2009
I liked this. It was just great. I liked what you said summer tasted like. You read that phrase a lot, but the ones I've never read that one before though. I also liked the contrast with you and him. The only thing is I don't think the parenthesis are needed. I think having that line on it's own is enough.

Again, good luck in the Review Marathon (link in my profile)!
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 9/5/2009
In the first stanza, it confused me. You use rain, which seems like a noun, but then sing is a verb. It didn't work when I read it.

"the wind chimes tinkle outside on your porch/from the rustling wind."... Again here the repetition of wind here just didn't feel right.

I like the piece. I think the format with the parenthesis worked well. I also liked the word tinkle. That's a great way to describe what wind chimes do.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
Good luck in the Review Marathon (link in my profile).

I love your word choices. Disembowels is such a powerful word that I don't think I've ever read in a poem before. The phrase "fugitive dawn" was also really unique. Anyhow, all the descriptions are really well done. I could kind of picture the image in my mind. The only thing is you use afire and fire close to each other and that repetition didn't sound right to me. Still, great job.
drops of rain chapter 3 . 9/5/2009
This one seems slightly separated. So that might be something to tweak eventually.

But I love the second stanza. :D :D :D It's apparently where the title comes from, and it's gorgeous.

Autumn stands for something dying, fading, wasting away. And spring is when something comes alive, is reborn, is gaining strength.

So by your seasonal descriptions, I can assume you mean for his smile, his 'amusement' to be dying, maybe just as he is. And for your, the speaker's, crying... that it's gaining strength. That it's becoming stronger or getting ready to reach its 'peak', so to say, in summer.

Very cool! I think I'm right about the seasonal descriptions; you'll have to tell me. :D

Keep writing, hun. We don't always get the feedback we want, but keep writing! I enjoyed reading this. Especially when you toned down some of the descriptions. I read flowery phrasing all the time, but I seldom read something like your title/summary.

Good luck!
drops of rain chapter 2 . 9/5/2009
The parathetical thoughts are really good. I liked the side thoughts of the speaker; it added more to the poem than just 'telling' what happened. The descriptions and the thoughts are divided like that rather cleverly.

"to your faithless smile"

Love that. A faithless smile... It'd be cool to know more about the secondary character.

"I want it to carry me away."

A bit of a reoccuring theme here? Very nice. I like the idea of wanting to be carried away, or wanting something to 'consume' you, as in the last chapter. I think that's really beautiful and poetic. I feel like I can relate to it.

All of this is so lovely!
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