Reviews for Swing
Creeping Collarbones chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
Wow. I don't even know what to say about this. It was breathataking and wonderful. It was simple, but it didn't need anything extra. Your prose is almsot like poetry.

Wonderful writing. :)
AvidWriter-92 chapter 1 . 5/27/2010
Hi, Sarah. :)

I really liked this one-shot.

I think that the narrator is especially original because he doesn't really have any sympathy for the girl that he watches on the swing. He's obsessed with her, sure, but he doesn't care enough about her to actually help her when she's crying on the trail...

I loved the last line. It was quite creepy, and I found that it summarized the whole point of the narrator watching the girl.

He seems very stalkerish, and almost has the mindset of a killer, you know? I mean, he's very emotionless and becomes dependent on seeing her in her usual spot. :)

Overall, great oneshot. :) It gave me the chills!

~Avid. Roadhouse. (I believe that you owe me three reviews, including this one... Please review "Persephone's Flight," or any one of my poems, when you have the time. :D Thanks!)
lianoid chapter 1 . 4/23/2010
This was beautiful. The writing in this differs slightly from what I’m used to reading of yours, but the style and beautiful command of the English language remains constant. I am thoroughly impressed with this. It is dark yet delightful. The way you describe his attraction to her makes it less creepy than I would find this situation to be if it were real. I find myself at a loss to tell you how beautiful this is. You have a wonderful talent. I hope you pursue it farther because you have it.
roulette rouge chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Interesting...I get the feeling that Josiah is a bit creepy, but if that's not your aim than perhaps it was just me. It might be his watching her. Or the fact that the atmosphere emanates a sort of graveyard-like quality. Either way, this was very eerie.

It reminds me a lot of Like the Poem, but more like Brendon's doppelganger. Perhaps someone that doesn't have as good intentions as Brendon has. It's an interesting thought, but I'm not sure if you meant it this way. This is just me speculating.

Good idea! You should continue it.

...patchwork halo.
drink me pretty chapter 1 . 2/16/2010
it was quite interesting reading this piece after reading "like a poem". i really liked it again, though. it's always great to view an event from different perspectives. surprisingly i grew even more sympathy for annabelle, the girl, after reading this.

"it'll be quite a shame if they scar."

what a haunting conclusion-love it.
loulouta chapter 1 . 2/1/2010
The story is sort of scary at the end, but I really liked it, it is beautifully written, and deep. It's makes you want to know more, like what's wrong with the girl.
Palm Tree chapter 1 . 1/31/2010
All right, reviewing as I read today, so I'm here at the beginning to say that I'm already intrigued, not just Josiah's immediate sign of stalker tendancies but because you chose to use the present tense. I haven't read that in quite a while so it's refreshing right now.

Okay. There's another immediate here and that's my deep devotion for this girl. She sounds so EMO and I just want to give her a HUG. ;o; But it's caused me to wonder just how old these two are. At first I thought they must be young but I'm not too sure at this point. For a moment there I wondered if Josiah was a pedophile. o.o But I guess I must read on to find out!

His fixation on, what TV Tropes calls, Zettai Ryouiki is a bit disturbing and I'm not only concerned for the girl but it makes me wonder more about HIM and what's going on in HIS life.

Okay, first I want to say that I love Josiah's twisted character because it's so amazing I can't help it. But then I instantly assumed that the girl had been raped and I've yet to find out if that is in fact the case, but I also came to wonder if maybe this guy is mentally disturbed and was also the rapist only he didn't know it somehow. XD

So I still don't know, am curious about both, and really enjoyed it. Like that's a surprise. XD Sarah, you rock my socks, and nothing you post here falls short. Now I hope I can get to your expansion...
Stanleylouis chapter 1 . 1/31/2010
This is beautifully written. You leave out enough about the story that you keep a reader wondering for more, and it adds to the intenisty of it. You wonder who Josiah is, and why he's stalking a girl on a swing, and why he doesn't help her when he has the change. I loved this.
taerkitty chapter 1 . 1/30/2010
Start is good. It has punch, gives us the protag and setting. There's a good mystery here. If anything, the summary may be at odds with this - perhaps it'd be better to make the summary even more vague. Unsure.

"Sitting on the swing for aesthetics." Unsure how that works in your eyes. Aesthetics implies by design, but I can't picture who would 'design' the girl to site on the swing to look pretty.

I like the parallel to a television show.

The touch/stroke portion is nicely disquieting. A bit of voyeurism. Very nicely done.

"If you're not going to help me" So why doesn't Josiah offer to help?

Ending comes as a surprise, and it works. We're left with the same question, wondering what it says about him.

Overall, it's a very well-told story. I love how open-ended it is, and how there are so many things that the reader can project into it.

FoSizzle chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
I really liked this story and wanted to read more, while at the same time I was kind of wondering if I wanted to know what was wrong with the girl, or Josiah for that matter. This story really drew me in, and even though it's a story that I wouldn't usually read if I just saw it, I'm really glad I did! It's wonderfully done.
Mizzuz Spock chapter 1 . 12/22/2009
This is so sad. Yet oddly beautiful. Josiah is a very interesting character, as far as habits go, and I get the feeling he's disturbed. The girl is an interesting character as well, and I like how you portrayed both of them.

The ending didn't exactly work for me, but it was satisfying, to some degree. I honestly don't know how you would have concluded it any other way, to be honest...

Nothing wrong with spelling and grammar, as usual. Overall, I thought this was a thought-provoking and lovely written piece of work. It's definitely a lot different from some of your other stories, so I also want to congratulate you on having the ability to add variety to your writing! Great job. :]
Gone with the tide chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
I like this story, it's interesting. How he isn't really interested in her as a person, but more her as a permanent fixture there. Still, how he watches her is slightly creepy (which isn't a bad thing).
MissGreySunshine chapter 1 . 12/18/2009

At the very least, this is beautiful.

I felt like I was there, experiencing it all with Josiah.

That was powerful!

You definately are amazing at writing.

If there was a kudos option, I would click it about 1 million times.

Thank you for writing this.

HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 12/16/2009
That was quite frightening. I got the impression that Josiah was the same age as the girl in places (and he obviously is because of the school reference), but when they are both alone in the forest he seems older, wiser, and his attitude at the end is quite like an uncaring adult.

This was very well written, and I just want to find out more about the girl and who she is.
Patricia Louise chapter 1 . 12/10/2009
I love this! It was absolutely great! I love the description in it, the sad scene at the end of the girl destroying parts of herself. You did a wonderful job describing the eerie beauty as well. So wonderful!

And I'm so sorry it took me so long to pay you back...I did NaNoWriMo this year and my world just sort of stopped for a month or so. But thank you for your review of My Box! Both chapters!

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