Reviews for untitled 5
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 9/6/2009
The part about gridlock confused me. You said the person was downhill and you'd have to go in reverse. The image I got was you in gridlock trying to go downhill, but stuck. Then you said you had to go into reverse. That just confused me.

Also, the last stanza, maybe punctuate it since you punctuate the rest of the piece.

Anyhow, I liked the piece. It's a really interesting piece, especially that beginning description.

PS If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile).
bumble whale chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
sigh, this was beautiful. I feel like you're talking about me :)

Me gusta mucho
Faithless Juliet chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
I liked the opening stanza where it discusses talking about love, as opposed to eating. That seems to blend in nicely with today’s counterculture of gorging and obesity. It also makes me think that they are inebriated on love that they lose all sight of hunger, and nothing else matters.

I feel like this piece was more of a thought, as opposed to a poem. It felt short, and incomplete to me. And the ending wasn’t as strong as the opening. Keep up the good work.

Much love,

Juliet.

Jules, via the Review Marathon (link in my profile)