Reviews for Miscarriage
Nicki BluIs chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
Hello! Thank you for participating in RM! Here is your prize!

I really think it was an emotional piece. I liked that it was more complex than straightforward grief and sorrow.

I also like the gentleness of the piece. It could have gone in a really harsh and angry direction but rather it came across as soft and empathetic.

As always good job. Your work is never a dissappoinment.

Review Squader Nicki :P
Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
Good use of punctuation and sentence structure. Powerful.
Lady Fingers chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
sad.

yet rightly so considering the circumstances of such an unsavory word. Its hard not to relate to this, no matter how far one's womb has stretched for another (or not at all).

It breaks my heart. I know saying sorry means nothing. But still i am.
Lux d'Marcs chapter 1 . 9/15/2009
I rather dislike throwing people's words back at them, but the phrase "She and he digested each other in the stony darkness" really stood out to me. There are some powerful latent messages here, such as the mother throwing "on one of the tank tops that shows too much skin because it makes her feel wanted:" which I can completely relate to.
in theory chapter 1 . 9/11/2009
"The kind that poets talk about"

I love that line, it's so accessible but if you really WANT it to mean more, it can.

I'm struck by how your style has evolved; I remember it being graphic, mysterious and very often striking. Now it is all of these, but also concise and a strange mix of fantasy/reality, and no not the kind that poets talk about ;) The kind we would talk about if we could stop writing it down/remember it later.

Jack
Isca chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
"She and he digested each other." 'She and he' would probably sound better as 'they.'

"Winter's war-cry beckoned a legion of sons." Whoa. What a wicked line. I like the 'w' alliteration.

"It will rain all night." I like the idea that this woman's sadness mimics the weather.

The ending is very powerful. I like that you told the reader this woman's real reasons for wearing a revealing shirt: she wants to feel wanted.

"We all know what's coming - the seasons." The tone of this line is perfect. :)
heart'sespionage chapter 1 . 9/8/2009
this is honestly really good. i do think one thing could be changed to add to the general effect, "she and he" in the third stanza sounds just a bit clunky and could be changed to "they"-this cloaks it more, gives it more of a mysterious and intimate feel. one thing i really liked is that the poem got stronger and stronger as i went down the lines. the imagery you used made the pain so much clearer to see. i went on a journey here, really nice work with this one!
oxytocin chapter 1 . 9/6/2009
I like the interjections of monologue in italics - it gives the poem a 'real' feel. Sometimes the line breaks are a little too jumpy, as if you are purposefully trying to be hard-hitting: "it was a lukewarm night". When someone mourns, it is spelt with a 'u', unlike, "and/use it to morn with". There's an extra 'h' in "sigh", and I think, "think line of her cleavage" is meant to be "thick line of her cleavage". I'm being nitpicky and anal because I'm quite good at spotting useless stuff like that, and I thought you might care to know. I honestly don't mean to be naggy, and I guess it's a reminder for all of us to double check our stuff, yeah? In other news, you dealt with the difficult subject matter tenderly and with great attention to detail. Some of the images are so simple, but they are the most honest, "When she says the word miscarriage it/ sounds haunted."
kit feral chapter 1 . 9/6/2009
I’ll ask

the think line of her cleavage has become a

fault line. A reservoir.

I really love that line. You write sad so beautifully, with so much reality but so much hope as well. It's very touching. Keep up the amazing work.