Reviews for Dream World
Archia chapter 1 . 4/15/2010
I really enjoyed this poem. I liked the idea of it and i think that your lines are better than the plow truck.
Lady Marionette chapter 1 . 3/21/2010
Really good! the flow was smooth and i really liked the theme. I agree w/ brosandi that the mood was dark but at the same time hopeful. very cool! my favorite part was "just focus on me/ i will lead you to the light/ you don't know what you'll see/ bringing back your sight".
brosandi chapter 1 . 1/31/2010
Wow, this is really good. I love the tone. To me it seems dark but sort of... hopeful. The last line is a teensy bit awkward when compared to the rest of the poem, but I think it fits and flows just the same. Keep up the great work!
FelleLLoyd chapter 1 . 12/21/2009
I like this, great job. Though, it sounds like a song. :/
WutNow chapter 1 . 12/1/2009
I'm sorry it took me so long to get to you. School is hectic right now. Anyway, here is my review!

To be honest, I don't read poems that much because it can be interpreted in every way, it's structure flexible. However, I really did enjoy this one. It was short, but very expressive. It had elements of nature such as the "sun" and "grass" and "skies." I sort of interpreted it in a way that the narrator was talking to someone who is in the brink of passing on to the afterlife. I don't know, I just had that feeling. And your sister is hilarious. I really like the little things you add in the end. It kind of disrupts the flow of the poem, but it humanizes it in a way. I don't know how to explain it lol. Overall, fantastic job my friend!

chel bel chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
I don't read poetry that much, but I really enjoyed this piece. The first stanza has to be my favorite, and the rest of the poem flows nicely from the start. One thing I would critique would be that the rhyme scheme didn't really continue throughout the whole thing (though you can just ignore my stupidity if you meant to do that). Other than that, good job, and I also loved the ending author's note :p Keep up the good work! :)
Patricia Louise chapter 1 . 9/30/2009
This is very interesting! The last verse had to be my favorite!
A Kiss in the Dreamhouse chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Very nice images and morals... and the rhyme actually works! Lovely piece :)
Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
Ah, this is so beautiful, especially the first stanza! It really gave me some very vivid imagery in my mind. Just found one mistake, which is that braking should be breaking! :)

~ Sakina x
lymli chapter 1 . 9/11/2009
I like the part about following the sun though the ending isn't very happy.
K-M-Bloomy chapter 1 . 9/9/2009
hahaha, your ending author note was funny, but this is really good! I love your writing!
ClosedAccount001 chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
"And closing your own mind" I don't know if own is really needed sounds somewhat repetitive. And the last stanza sounds a little awkward in my opinion, but it might just be me. Mm, All in all, it is a good poem, keep it up.

"Don't ever let somebody tell you, you can't do something. Not even me. All right...You got a dream, you gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin' go get it. Period."

- Persuit of Happiness
ADSpencer chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
The first four lines are very goods, so you should be proud to say that they're the first you ever wrote :) Very nicely done! I really enjoyed this. The second to last stanza was probably my favorite.

I especially liked that the poem had a song quality to it. Some poems are meant to be spoken, but, as I read this one, it sort of came out with a rhythm akin to music. Nicely done.

I think you meant "Breaking" instead of "Braking".