|Reviews for Czarism and Lovers|
| Blahdendra chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
you use far too many adverbs. you should be more creative.
"In any form of sexuality, dead as it is, with its bones licked clean long ago."
Blahdendra praises this line. Blahdendra loves death, pain and blood. it is what blahdendra likes. You use good themes.
Sturturally it is adequete. but i feel like its too long.
that said, your interesting imagery leaves blahdendra interested.
as for blahdendra's major hint:
Perhaps if you experienced death you would have a better time writing about it? you should think about that.
| Brenda Agaro chapter 1 . 9/21/2009
You have a way with words. Great imagery and word choice. Impressive.
There's a period missing after the very last line of the poem. Is that intentional?
| Lady Fingers chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
the pantoum was the first formatted poem I learned in my freshman year as a writing major.
Its so beautifully worked.
And this Pantoum is particularly exquisite.
| Isca chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
"As a lover might hush." Striking simile.
"It might be hermaphroditical love poems left on the nightstand to wilt in the shade." This is definitely a very creative line.
"Pantomiming phantoms." Nice alliteration.
My favourite line is: "There are some grey patches of time that I will not go back to alone." It's absolutely soul-shaking. :D
| in theory chapter 1 . 9/14/2009
Ooh now this is something I've never seen from you, such structure (except maybe Haikus). The format kind of adds to the drama of the narrative in my opinion, it's almost as if you're mumbling similar ideas in your sleep, trying to rephrase them so it makes more sense, but just repeating. Not in a bad way, though.
The opening and closing line is wonderful, and I mean that in the original sense of the word (think awesome, but we're not allowed to say that in Britain still. Not sure why, I think it's a comedian's fault).
"I cannot speculate"
This idea finds its way into about 33% of my daily thought processes ;)
Really beautiful stuff, as always.
"pantomiming phantoms" I'm jealous of that expression!
| we share our blanket with chapter 1 . 9/14/2009
You are so versatile. I love this, it's beautiful.
It might be hermaphroditical love poems left on the nightstand to wilt in the shade.
I'm not sure hermaphroditical is a word... I think it's just hermaphroditic? which actually flows better in my head, but I could be completely wrong. and I'm always making up words in my poems.
I’ve begun to whisper your name in my sleep, or so the ghosts tell me.
I love it. This is one of my favorite pieces of yours. It's an interesting setup, I'll have to give it a try myself.(Even though I hate villanelle, and they look pretty similar.)
| empty tea bottles chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
"Peppery gravel noisily silences me..."
This is probably just me and my personal "ear for imagery", but the way those words run is very...gravelly. Just like the description. At first I thought the flow was kind of rough, but once I considered the image you were trying to convey, it worked. Good job, whether that was intentional or not.
Overall, this poem is very rich with imagery and precise word choice. Admittedly, I did have to reread a few lines to completely get the picture, but it didn't distract me from the beauty.
I also love the rhythm in the line:
"...lines of pantomiming phantoms."
| Elementer chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
Again, I love your vocabulary,I knew the Czar was russian for leader, however when I saw the title I was like "what the hell's that."
While it sounds wonderful reading it, I honestly get confused. I felt stupid reading this because I couldn't get the meaning. While I hate authors that "dumb down" their work, I wouldn't put up much of a fight if you gave us a hint as to the meaning in the Author Note.
The poem flows great, I saw no problems in spelling or anything like that so you're good to go.
In all a 9.1 out of 10.
| xrawritskalix chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
This poem was really good. :) I like how you had a sort of pattern for how you repeated certain lines.
Overall, it was a lot better than I could ever do on a poem. :)