|Reviews for Only Fantasy|
| subtly.obvious chapter 1 . 7/15/2010
haha this is really good! :D
| C. Tattiana H-H chapter 1 . 4/22/2010
1st Number: Paragraph. 2nd Number: Sentence.
1.2 This sentence is a bit length and for some reason “clicking” and “holding” aren’t reading properly. I think perhaps, it should be changed to “clicked” and “held”. I could be wrong though.
2.1 Personal preference – Change “day dreams” to “daydreams”.
9.1 Place a comma after “hair” and “wheat”.
10.1 Place a comma after “relish”.
Very interesting concept. I really like this piece. It was humorous and a neat little twist on the ideals of a “fantasy”. Excellent job.
| Elennar chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
Hi there! Congratulations for winning WCC October! Here is the review:
You do a good job of crafting the tone of your story. I mean, at its core, it is quite snappily written. In other parts, it becomes quite flowery. And that's a good thing, because it highlights the sarcasm the piece is intended to convey.
Case in point:
"For what felt like the umpteenth time, Arabella let down her hair as gold as wheat and let the flaxen locks tumble towards the ground where the eager prince stood, ready to free her from her dreadful imprisonment. Just for a moment, she thought about what it must be like to live in a world of pencils and lettuce-and-tomato sandwiches, and to be not-swept-off-her-feet by an accountant. But she pushed the thought aside. She was too old to believe in such stories. After all, she thought, tilting her head resignedly as the familiar tugging at her scalp began, it was only fantasy."
The first half of this is quite flowery, while the latter half isn't. The dichotomy this juxtaposition brings out is interesting because they fit well together. Nicely done!
Absolutely golden! Extremely ingenious, with an undertone of dry, sarcastic wit. Kudos! The best part about this is how the 'real world' becomes the fairy tale in your piece. While parodies have been made before of this genre, but I've never come across one which was pulled off quite like this before.
The scene worked out nicely here. The imagery you've used is very unambiguous, and as such, one can picture the entire sequence of events quite nicely. However, one thing that you should change is this: "Princess Arabella put the book down with a sigh, clasping it to her chest" It trips me every time I try to picture it. I think it would read better if it were, "...clasped it to her chest"
I absolutely LOVED reading this piece! The sarcasm that you've employed over here was absolutely delightful. I especially liked the potrayal of the princess.
| rmzucker chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
this is brilliant! i love how you thought this out-how you made the accountant's job seem really exciting and the princess' story really boring and cliched-when it is. it was funny and VERY original
| Philodice chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
What a breath of fresh air.
I like the fresh concept, just as impressive a take on fantasy as Discworld. Angles like this only come to me in the middle of the night, and wake me up before work. Genius.
I enjoyed the short, sensible paragraphs that were easy to read.
Favorite part: Illustrating the complete boredom of the princess by replacing words with 'mumble'. You could easily write for Disney.
I think perhaps you avoided the Shrek cliche of the hero in love with himself, or there because he was forced to be. Good job. No dislikes.
| KelaBelle chapter 1 . 9/19/2009
Wow such a pretty story I love it. Thats probably because Im such a big fan of fairy tales and such. Its adorable though because your work was brilliant how you have written it. There wasn't no grammar marks from where I've read either.
So good job.
| silverbluu chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
Your princess is certainly not factory made and her personality really shows in this story.
I like this idea and I think you should run with it for a little longer. I was surprised by "The End" at the end of the chapter and was hoping to see more of Only Fantasy.
| BlaznFangurl chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
Wow, lol! I loved this, the whole fantasy and reality switch things was great and very original! I loved how the princess found the life of an accountant to be a amazing read XDD GREAT WORK!
Blazn , Via the RH, PAy it forward :)
| Tekla chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
Oh my, I loved this. The concept was very original, and quite cute. :3
The part when the prince is calling up to Arabella made me laugh really hard! Awesome stuff.
I also really liked the everyday scenes of Ted, they seemed really accurate and "boring" (which fits in perfectly with this, but I liked the descriptions of everything).
Way to go! :D
per the Review Game
| Dulcina chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
Teehee, you've got me impressed with this highly entertaining story! The use of that "real world is a myth" concept was brilliant! I especially liked how you skillfully portrayed Arabella as your typical pretty princess but her attitude a shocking contrast to that of a stereotyped damsel in distress.
The clever usage of the word, "mumble" really struck a few lingering blows to my funny bone. :D It was very funny how you made it seem that he was actually SAYING, "mumble"!
Also, hats off to the 'being swept off one's feet by a bus driver/accountant'; the image cracked me up. Hahaha! It was really adorable. Keep it up! )
| Luuk chapter 1 . 9/15/2009
Haha, that was awesome. I love the twist that our normal world is thought of as fantasy in a fairy tale. Very creative. I love how she didn't seem all that enthused when she was "yelling" at the old hag. And the prince yawning...not to mention the "mumble" bits in his line...that had me laughing! I can see this being an animated short. Very amusing.
| MantraMagazine chapter 1 . 9/15/2009
-Completely grounded- I've described a lot of stories on here as unique, but I think yours very nearly tops the list! The daydreaming was superb, I loved the part about the accountant and the lettuce and tomato sandwiches. This was a delightful read, and I didn't see any signs of grammar mistakes and was never confused by your words. Good job!
| Sakina the Fallen Angel chapter 1 . 9/14/2009
Haha, this is great! I really liked the mocking tone throughout, and also the sheer originality of this! :)
| HiddenFromYou chapter 1 . 9/14/2009
This was hugely funny. The fact that this story goes completely against the stereotypical princess had me laughing out loud.
A few little things though:
At the beginning, Arabella puts down her book, only to clasp it to her chest a few seconds later. It needs to be one or the other.
And I don't think a princess would swear, even one as "against tradition" as Arabella.
Lastly, with the prince's speech, I found the 'mumble mumble' to be distracting and off putting. Wouldn't it be better to simply have '...' instead, as the reader can then see clearly that the princess can't hear was the prince is saying, instead of, for a second, thinking the prince is actually saying mumble!
| Rae Emeral chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
This is really creative. I love it!