|Reviews for On the Edge|
| wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 11/30/2009
I like the message behind this, and the rhythm is good, it keeps the piece going; although sometimes the rhyme seems a little forced and that it's dragging the poem on.
| the prophet apathetic chapter 1 . 11/30/2009
I like how the first two stanzas sort of mirror each other. Each line in the second stanza ties together with the respective line in the first stanza.
I also appreciate how the rhyme scheme and the rhythm of the poem doesn't really distract the reader or feel too forced.
| Isca chapter 1 . 11/28/2009
"Silken sand." Nice alliteration.
"My resting place." This is my favourite part - the death imagery here is very powerful.
"What would happen if I let go?" I like that you ended the poem with a question. :)
| Agent.Frappuccino chapter 1 . 11/5/2009
Hey. Once again, congratulations . I guess I'll just review your most recent work. I feel guilty because you gave me such a long review and I don't think I can repay back for all the help you gave me, but I'll give it a shot .
The poem can be interpreted in so many ways. As the person who had reviewed you before, I felt the same way. At first I thought it was a suicide thing, and then in the end it was just the thoughts of the unknown, and not what actually happened.
"Sanding on the window ledge"- that part confused me. i'm not sure if you meant 'standing' instead of sanding. When you say water, I was thinking abou the ocean, but when you said "looking down the city streets" i felt as if it kinda contrasted a little too much of the idea. Then again, it is a poem lol. Overall, i liked it. One of the greatest questions in life has no answers haha. Great job
Review #1 down, on to my second one :)
| Narq chapter 1 . 10/9/2009
Hey, I'm here to repay the favour.
Firstly, I wonder if the double lines is on purpose or not, but you could also do shift and enter which will give you single lines - then you get stanzas without symbols.
I loved this: "Silken sand beneath my feet"
It's really nice.
This seems to be a more emotion poem rather than telling poem. It's good, i think it tells much about you trying to go/stay, right?
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 9/29/2009
When I gave it a first read-through: I was thinking literal suicide, and my second read-through I was thinking more metaphorical wanting to jump into something new but fearing it. Two different meanings for one poem. Great writing by the way. :)
| Broken-Angel-1994 chapter 1 . 9/19/2009
OMG! I love this so much! I'm totally adding this to my favorites!